On Any Given Day
by The Watch Stander
Summary: Trinity put a riff between John and Rodney. How will McKay ever win that trust back or for that matter mend their friendship   Chapter 11 complete John & Rodney have that talk.  Whump and Angst, friendship,HC   all the team in this story
1. Chapter 1

**On Any Given Day**

On Any Given Day -**Good** people can do bad things** - Bad** people can do good things and **Smart** people can do really stupid things

The Watch Stander © 2006

I just want to Thank everyone for reading my stories, as one of them had over 36,000 hits! Wow! That story was also nominated by a very nice person for the Stargate Awards! Yes! Thank you!

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**Disclaimer: SONY & MGM own Atlantis and all of it's characters. The wonderful interpretation of these characters is owned by the cast of Atlantis. The fun of writing this story about these characters is owned by me and is in no way intended to infringe on any of these rights and is done without payment or profit on my part. **

AN:

I felt a follow up story to Trinity was needed as both John and Rodney have fences to mend and bridges to cross. They need to come to grips with what has happened and how each has handled the situation. There are several wonderful music vids that were an inspiration to write this, along with the need to make it better between the characters. They really needed a follow up story. I know there are quite a few already written, but I decided to finish this and get it out of my system. The story will be under a hundred pages and is already 80 percent finished.

This was half-written last year, before I saw the rest of season two and before I wrote **The Last Piece**. Hopefully I've kept everyone pretty much in character, but this was my first story so . . .

Anyhow, hope you enjoy it.

It's angst, some humor, friendship and of course whump to a certain character. Guess who!

Rating T - just incase of sensitive ears- no slash

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**CHAPTER ONE** - **The Fallen One**

_Why had it all gone so very wrong?_

Dr. Rodney McKay wondered to himself as he sat quietly in his lab, staring at his laptop screen, looking for answers, but deep inside he knew, it was obvious even to him:

_That on any given day, genius scientists can do very stupid things._

It was the Arcturus weapon that put an end to all the good things that he had accomplished on Atlantis after allowing himself to believe that he could do something that the ancients couldn't. Once again his arrogance had gained him nothing but heartache.

His very own words spoken to Sheppard came back to haunt him now . . .

_I know what I'm doing . . . _

He had even gone so far as to use Sheppard's friendship to get what he wanted; thinking that sacrificing that friendship wasn't as important as proving that he could make the weapon work.

_I won't let you down_ . . .

Instead, he'd failed and proved that he was no longer the superman they all believed him to be. In the end it had cost him more than he could bear or was willing to lose. Sheppard would never trust him again unless he proved himself all over again. He wasn't sure he could play that game. It was too hard to win. Always on the defensive and never knowing that whatever he did or said was right or wrong. There would always be doubt about every decision he made.

All of this made him wish there was some way he could go back in time and avoid the discovery of the weapon entirely. He wanted his reputation and his standing in Atlantis back, but most of all, he wanted Elizabeth's and Sheppard's friendship back. There wasn't anything that he wouldn't give for that second chance . . .

It wasn't going to happen though, even he knew that.

_How the mighty have fallen . . . _

Someone in the mess hall this morning said it out loud as Rodney passed their table, but he just kept on walking, knowing that it was true and that he was no longer the man with all the answers, but just another arrogant scientist that everyone despised.

Elizabeth had been furious and Sheppard had turned his back on him, telling Rodney that he no longer trusted him.

No apology was ever going to change the fact, that their friendship was gone, destroyed by his own hand; from that point on it had been a short spiral down to where he was now, a hated and bitter man.

He had fallen about as low as he could go, working by himself in his lab, eating alone and shunned by many of the scientists he thought were friends.

_No where to run and no one to run to._ _I've really messed up this time. Why don't I ever learn that even I can't fix everything? I'm not superman!_

Resting his elbows on the bench, he held his aching head between his hands - trying to block out the picture of Collins' charred body.It was his fault the scientist had died, there was no denying that and it was a bitter lesson learned.

Whenever he tried to sleep, the night kept closing in on him, bringing the faces of dead colleagues with it. Their faces taunting him, asking him why he had let them die.

As sleep continually kept eluding him, he found himself sitting in the lab most of the night. His fatigue becoming so bad that he often forgot to eat - only aware that he hadn't when one of his migraines started to appear and his stomach ached with hunger.

Several cups of coffee a day helped him stay awake, allowing him to work, but even that took its toll, causing his stomach to burn from the caffeine and making him overly nervous. A permanent tremor seemed to have taken control of his hands for they were shaking even now as he sat here.

Most of the people in Atlantis looked away when he walked by, but for some strange reason the rest of his team hadn't shunned him. Teyla and Ronon still talked to him and sat with him in the mess. They hadn't prejudged him as the rest had, but accepted the fact that he wasn't perfect and was still their team mate.

Sheppard on the other hand was a different story entirely. After making the awkward apology, Rodney hadn't talked to him in more than two weeks. Their paths hadn't crossed in all that time; due mostly to the fact that Rodney avoided all the places he knew Sheppard would be. He was afraid to face Sheppard and see that look of disdain in the Colonel's eyes - it still hurt remembering that same look on Sheppard's face in the transporter, just after Rodney had apologized.

Hiding like this was cowardly, but he wasn't able to deal with rejection right now, it hurt too much. Before coming to Atlantis, it hadn't mattered as he had no real friends, just colleagues and acquaintances. His only solace was his work - friends were something that you couldn't find in his competitive work environment and couldn't afford to have.

_It wasn't supposed to be like this, I had friends here . . . it was different!_

But he had destroyed all of that now . . . Sheppard would never forgive him, he knew that, but it hurt just the same. They had been friends and Rodney had counted on that friendship - it's what helped keep him sane in an insane world that contained life-sucking aliens. Now he was alone again and it was his own fault.

Sheppard spent time with Ronon now. He'd seen them together several times talking.

_Maybe because they were both soldiers, or was it because . . . Sheppard trusted Ronon. .. _

It was a lonely world that Rodney McKay lived in now and it was all his own doing; that's what made it so hard to accept. He had never been considered a hero like Sheppard, but after saving Atlantis so many times with his brilliant ideas, even he was looked upon with new respect and treated accordingly. That was all gone now, because of one mistake - it had been a huge one, but not deliberately done.

_All I wanted was to find another source of power for Atlantis . . . how I wish that I'd never tried. _

He had joked about winning a Noble Prize, but Atlantis wasn't exactly known to the scientific world. The only accolades he'd ever hope to receive were from his peers here in Atlantis.

Somehow, he managed to keep up with his responsibilities by emailing each scientist to tell them what their project was - Zelenka did the followup and reported back to him through email as well. As head scientist, Rodney was not about to shirk his duties - just because he'd failed in another part of his job.

He had avoided the last few expeditions off world, by sending Zelenka in his place. Telling the scientist that he needed to finish an experiment and couldn't be spared. Sheppard must have accepted the switch, because nothing was ever said.

Teyla however, had sought Rodney out afterwards and said that he had been missed. She was always the diplomat, somehow knowing all that was going on around her. Rodney sometimes felt that she could see into his mind and read his every thought.

Her quiet smile reassured him though and he thanked her for her kind words. This was a different response from him, one that wouldn't have come from the arrogant Dr. McKay that had first arrived on Atlantis so long ago.

That man was gone, but in his place was a lonely soul, a man who just couldn't seem to come to terms with what he'd done, what he had become . . . and what he had lost.

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Teyla made her way through the mess line in the cafeteria, carefully choosing foods that she knew were tasty as well as nutritional. She watched what she ate so that she would remain healthy and alert, knowing that her teammates relied on her to watch their backs on every mission they went on.

Taking her tray with her she looked for a familiar face to sit with and spying Ronon, made her way over to his table. Ronon was more or less a loner and like Dr. McKay, wasn't a people person. Teyla always made an effort to sit with Ronon and try to make him feel at home.

She would have liked to have found Dr. McKay here as well, but the elusive scientist didn't seem to eat here anymore. This fact was worrying her, as he was prone to illness and had looked very pale the last time she had seen him. She had heard rumors of Sheppard and Rodney being on the outs, so she decided to check on Rodney after breakfast and see how he was.

Smiling at the Satedan, she sat down gracefully in the seat across from him and greeted him with the Earth salutation. "Good Morning."

Ronon looked up from his tray that contained three heaping plates of food. "Hey! "

Teyla looked at the massive amount of bacon, eggs, potatoes and sausage that covered his three plates. "Are you hungry this morning?"

"Nah, this will be enough for now," he started to eat the potatoes first.

Teyla smiled and shook her head as she picked up her utensil to eat the fresh fruit on her plate. Most of the food came from her people on the mainland, but having the Daedalus arriving more frequently, supplemented their diet with Earth food as well. She found it refreshing to have so many foods to choose from.

"Ronon, have you seen Dr. McKay?"

Ronon paused before the next bite, "No."

"I'm worried about him."

"He's hiding," The Satedan responded as he reached for the next plate of food.

Teyla looked surprised, "Why do you say that?"

Ronon looked up at her, pausing between mouthfuls of food. "Sheppard is still angry about something that happened on their last mission and McKay is afraid of him. So . . . McKay's hiding." He shrugged and started eating again.

Teyla thought about that summation and how it made the two men's actions seem so childish. After all, these men were friends, or so she thought.

_Maybe the people from Earth have different standards for friendship. If you make a mistake, you are then shunned_.

This was a terrible thing to do to someone, especially a friend. Her people would never do that over a mistake that hadn't been intentional. Dr. McKay may be many things, but he wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone. On the contrary, she had seen him save many lives by his bravery; once he had stood alone against several Wraiths during the siege of Atlantis. Fortunately, she had arrived in time to save him or he would have been killed and Atlantis would have fallen because of his death.

There was also a shyness about him as well. A part of him wanted recognition, but he hid within himself, preferring to give off an arrogant demeanor that repelled most of those around him. She thought that John had seen through all that and considered him a friend, but maybe she was wrong and Sheppard just used him as someone that could get the job done.

This bothered her, for it meant her concept of John Sheppard was all wrong. If he could treat Dr. McKay so callously, what did he really think of her and Ronon? She continued to eat her food in silence, trying to decide what to believe.

Ronon finished his last plate of food and sat back in his chair satisfied. He watched Teyla quietly eating across from him and the look on her face spoke volumes of what she was thinking.

Leaning forward he spoke to her in a low voice. "They have to work it out between them. One of them will be smart and decide to forgive the other. I think Sheppard will be the one to come forward. McKay's far too hurt to take that step."

Surprised by this response Teyla looked closely at the man across from her. She knew Ronon was many things, but his grasp of human feelings and situations surprised her. He was indeed a man who spoke little, but observed much.

She smiled again. "Perhaps you're right. I will take a tray of food to Rodney and check to see how he is."

Ronon nodded, " Good idea."

Teyla picked up her tray and started to leave to fetch another for the scientist.

Ronon called out to her, "Say hi for me."

Teyla smiled, "I will."

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John Sheppard was a very busy man, at least that's what he told himself. As Military Commander of Atlantis it was his job to protect everyone here as well as lead off world missions to make new allies and friends.

There was also the fact that he had to break in new team members. His newest team member, Zelenka, was ok as a scientist, but he was terrible with a weapon or in a combat situation. The man was just afraid of everything and refused to carry a gun.

Zelenka made even McKay look like a soldier. McKay whined a lot, but at least he wasn't afraid to shoot at things that were trying to kill them.

That last thought brought up a subject that he was unwilling to deal with at the moment. Even though he preferred to have McKay back on the team, he was still having a real problem with the matter of trust he had told McKay about the last time they'd spoken.

The hurt look on McKay's face as the transporter's doors closed, came quickly to mind. McKay had never shown that much emotion on his face before, but then he had never done something this drastic. John quickly squashed that memory, refusing to feel guilty about being the cause of that hurt as he was still angry with McKay.

_Life's a bitch . . . McKay will just have to suck up and get on with it. People don't have time to coddle scientists who screwed up. There were lives were at stake._

The arrogant scientist had used him to get what he wanted and that was something that Sheppard refused to allow. People didn't use him, he refused to accept that.

However, the seething anger inside him seemed to refuse to quell itself, each day it was there, constantly eating away at him. He hated feeling this way. McKay had been a friend and somewhere inside he wished all of this had never happened. It just proved to him once more that friends were a luxury that he couldn't have. Too many ghosts reminded him of that. In the end, all friends ever brought him was heartache, when something they did went against him, or worse they got themselves killed, just like McKay would have if he hadn't practically dragged the arrogant fool out of there. It had been so close, and they both almost died. No wonder the arrogant sob had no friends.

At first Sheppard had tried to avoid McKay, but after several days of not running into the scientist, he no longer bothered. Even when he was in his office, a place Rodney use to frequent in better times, there was no sign of the scientist. No ancient devices were brought to Sheppard to activate, and of course no more meals were shared between the two men. McKay had become a ghost that no one saw.

John figured McKay had finally got it - Sheppard didn't want to talk to him.

Sighing, he pushed the whole subject aside as he hurried into the mess to grab a cup of coffee before he met with Elizabeth. It was time for the weekly report and there was a lot of territory to cover. One of the off world teams had discovered an energy spike on a planet that suggested Ancient Technology and possible ZPM's. They could certainly use a break.

_A little back up power would come in handy right now_.

As he entered the door into the mess, he almost collided with Teyla who was carrying a tray of food and several cups of coffee. By carefully stepping aside he avoided the collision.

"Good morning, Teyla, eating outside today?" He asked with a smile.

"Colonel Sheppard . . . No, I'm bringing some breakfast to Dr. McKay. I believe he is in his lab working too hard as usual, for the last time I saw him he looked very tired."

Sheppard annoyed at the mention of the scientist, stopped smiling, "Well, he's very lucky to have you looking out for him."

"Yes, he needs all the friends he can get right now," she smiled sweetly at him and added, "I must leave before this becomes cold," then she headed out the door. She didn't care what John thought at this moment, her only thought was that Rodney needed her support.

John just stared at her back, not sure how he should take what she had just said.

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Elizabeth Weir as head of Atlantis, was also the watcher of all that happened around the city. The many people that worked here all had diverse personalities as well as quirks that caused clashes with their co-workers. During their short time here, she had to step in several times to disperse arguments amongst the scientists; they could be very territorial and petty about their research projects, always afraid that someone else would steal their work.

All of this she had expected, but what she hadn't anticipated was that her Chief Scientist would take it upon himself to do something that was risky and in the end, destructive. He had also put his own life at risk as well. Fortunately, John had stopped him from committing what might have been suicide. A solar system had all but been destroyed, but the two men had returned unharmed.

Looking back at it all now, she was able to put it in its proper prospective. Rodney had only wanted to help with another source of power as well as gaining possible accolades for the success in doing so.

It was after all, what scientists do.

She had been very angry with him, but a lot of that anger was because she had come so close to losing him that day. Even Colonel Sheppard might have died as well. She found those two facts hard to accept. Rodney must have known how much she counted on him and what his loss would mean to her as well as Atlantis.

Shaking her head she decided that it was over now and time to move on. This was the reason she had asked only John to the meeting today. She wanted his input about how to handle another new energy discovery they had found off world and whether Rodney should go on the mission instead of Zelenka.

The last time she had seen Rodney, he'd looked exhausted. There was something else wrong as well, for the energetic man she had grown use too had been replaced by someone who looked beaten, with a haunted look in his eyes as well. This might be due to the fact that John and Rodney were on the outs and that their friendship might be over as well. She hadn't seen the two of them together once in more than two weeks and Rodney no longer went on missions with John's team. There was a rift there and she wasn't sure how to mend it.

She knew the scientist was a loner, but John seemed to have brought him out of that mode by taking Rodney with him on off- world missions. The two seemed to have clicked from the very first moment they entered Atlantis; their mischievous antics reminded her of two kids in a toy store.

Now it was up to her to try and make peace between them - a tough job, but one she was willing to undertake. The two men were vital to Atlantis' survival and having them at odds wasn't a good thing for anyone.

She was thinking about all this, when John Sheppard entered her office carrying a clipboard in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. He sat in a chair in front of her desk.

" Good morning, Elizabeth." He gave her his usual boyish grin.

She smiled at him warmly, "Good morning, John."

Sheppard looked around the office and realized they were the only ones there.

"Zelenka joining us anytime soon?"

Normally it would be McKay representing the science department, but lately Zelenka had been the one delivering the reports. Especially since he was the one going on all the off world missions.

"No, I wanted to get your insight as to whom you wanted to take on this next mission. "

Surprised John slowly nodded."Okay," he drawled out.

"I think, since this could be a significant find, you should take Rodney with you." She waited for his response.

" I don't think that's a good idea . . . Zelenka will be fine," John stated, his anger at McKay still hidden just below the surface.

"That's not what I've heard. He's terrified of everything and your other teammates have confirmed that he just isn't up to par with weapons."

" Oh, they did, did they!" John snapped back.

He would have to speak to Ronon and Teyla about telling tales out of school and going over his head.

"Well, I don't agree. Zelenka is working out just fine."

That famous stubborn look suddenly appeared on John's face and seeing it made Elizabeth smirk. She'd dealt with tougher personalities than his and got what she wanted in the end.

Smiling again, she went on, "Well then . . . I will offer another scientist in his place . . . one that would be better qualified than Zelenka."

"Fine," John said curtly as he picked up his coffee cup.

"You can have Kavanagh," Elizabeth said simply and waited.

John had been sipping the coffee and suddenly choked, spilling it down his shirt.

"You did that on purpose!", he accused as he brushed spilled coffee off his T-shirt.

"Did I, I don't think so," she replied sweetly with a smirk, then continued.

"So, It's either McKay or Kavanagh . . . you choose. I don't want my Chief Scientist cooped up in his lab, not sleeping and not eating properly; he needs fresh air and something to distract him."

She was staring straight at John hoping he heard all that she said and what it implied - there must be some part of him that might still worry about McKay.

John sighed, "Is this a conspiracy? First Teyla, now you!"

" John, Rodney needs to be cut a little slack. I know what he did was arrogant and stupid on his part, but that was one mistake out of how many decisions that he's had to make since he came here. I for one am willing to give him this one as long as he doesn't repeat it."

John shook his head. " I don't trust him, Elizabeth. It all comes down to that . . . he almost got us both killed!"

_There it was! _She had found the underling cause for the problem. _Mistrust, a hard feeling to overcome, but not impossible. _She sat back in her chair.

"I think you need to know a few things about Rodney before you completely condemn him. We've never discussed what the Genii did to him in the gate room, but I was there and saw the aftermath. It wasn't just a cut on his arm - Rodney was traumatized and I'm sure they threatened to kill us both if he didn't talk. When Kolya threatened to shoot me, Rodney didn't hesitate; he stepped in front of me directly into the line of fire. He was willing to take that bullet that was meant for me. Kolya would have shot him, but Rodney stood his ground and used some quick thinking to talk him out of it. " She paused a moment letting it all sink in before continuing.

"Also, are you aware that during the siege of the city by the Wraith, Rodney while carrying the ZPM, was left on his own when his Marine escorts were stunned by the Wraith? When Teyla arrived he was aiming his weapon at several Wraith ready to defend himself. She said that he was very brave. So you see, this is not the whining Rodney that everyone sees daily, but a very brave, loyal and decent man who would die before allowing harm to come to others."

There was emotion in her voice that John didn't hear very often. He hadn't been aware of all the facts surrounding these incidents. No one had ever mentioned them before, especially McKay.

"He still almost got us both killed, Elizabeth." John argued back. "Friends don't do that!"

Elizabeth sighed. John just didn't get it - he felt betrayed and was blinded by that.

"I asked Rodney about that very point. You know what he said?" She waited.

John shook his head.

"He told me, 'I would have stayed and shut down the experiment, but Sheppard was with me and I couldn't risk letting him die as well'."

She stressed the next part, "Don't you see, John? When you wouldn't leave without him, he was forced to abandon the experiment; he didn't care about himself, but he wasn't willing to sacrifice you."

John sighed again. When it came to feelings and expressing them he was probably even worse than McKay. Right now he felt like a wrung out rag. Sometimes he thought McKay was a coward with an occasional show of bravado, usually after the fact or when forced into it as a last resort. That was why he always threatened him.

What Elizabeth was telling him about, was a side of McKay he knew was there, but he'd rarely seen; maybe he'd misjudged the scientist.

There were times when McKay acted brave, getting rid of the black entity, and that time he came to John's aid on a planet where one Wraith was beating the crap out of him.

_That was just self preservation_, he tried convincing himself.

Elizabeth could see John thinking all of this over and finally decided to go for it all.

"I've known Rodney for quite a while and when we first came here I was very pleased to see you both hit it off so well. When I first chose him for my senior staff, I was afraid that he would be a complete loner, the same as he'd been at Stargate Command. It was wonderful that you became friends so quickly. "

She smiled, " However, I must admit you two together, was a little more than I bargained for. That fall of his from the balcony in the gate room took years off my life; I thought for sure you'd killed him! Sometimes you two remind me of two little boys who are always getting into trouble."

Rising from the chair, she came toward him, then sat on the corner of her desk as she went on, " Needless to say, you bring out the best in each other. Rodney has made some friends and has even come out of his shell. And you have become much more responsible, thinking more about what's happening and not being so haphazard in your thought process. "

Raising her hands palm up she added, "All in all a win-win scenario for both of you. "

She finished with a triumphant smile knowing that she'd presented a very clear argument in Rodney's defense.

John raised his hands in surrender, "Ok. You've convinced me. He's back on the team."

He then leaned forward with a serious look on his face, " But, if he screws up . . . I will push him off that balcony without his shield!"

Somehow Elizabeth knew he meant it.

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Rodney was sitting in his lab with Teyla, eating the breakfast that she had brought him. This beautiful woman with the soft brown eyes had saved him from the wraith during the siege of the city and he would never forget that. Now it seemed she was out to save his soul as well. He was touched by her thoughtfulness and obvious concern, for she made him feel human again and less of a pariah.

"This was very kind of you, Teyla . . . I don't know what to say." His face turned a shade of pink, blushing since he wasn't use to saying, Thank you.

She smiled, "You're very welcome, Rodney. You must keep up your strength or you'll fall ill. Ronon and I still consider you our friend and team mate; you must not let others make you think otherwise."

Embarrassed, Rodney's face suddenly took on that shy smile of his, the one that she found so endearing. It was a rare glimpse of the man that hid behind the arrogant mask he presented to everyone. Both she and Ronon had seen behind that mask and found a very different version of Rodney McKay hidden there.

A man, that even though frightened, would put his life on the line to save his friends and others.

She didn't understand why Sheppard was being so hard on the scientist. Mistakes happened and they always would.

People were only human after all . . .

Hours later Rodney was standing on the balcony outside his quarters, looking out over the ocean, thinking that maybe he should just end it all by jumping into the sea below. It would solve everyone's problem and put an end to all his heartache and misery.

_No one would care . . . why should they, I have failed them and now everyone hates me._

A sad smile crossed his face.

_I use to be the man with all the answers, now I'm a Pariah. _

He couldn't remember ever being this bone tired and depressed; his body ached all over and his legs felt like rubber bands, barely able to support his weight. Getting very little sleep in the past two weeks had caused this and nothing he took seemed to help.

_I know it's from all this emotional stress I'm going through._

Beneath all his arrogance, lay a sensitive soul who was always hardest on himself when he failed at something. Blaming himself for every scientist's death and adding each of those to all the other failures that he would never be able to forgive himself for. Feeling that somehow... he should have been able to prevent their deaths.

_It would have been so much better if Sheppard had just left me behind on that planet, at least I wouldn't have to go through all this._

Wearily he walked back inside, too much the coward to consider jumping, and knowing this just made him even more depressed. This was the hardest time of day for him, not knowing where to go or what to do. He knew that he would never be able to sleep with all this anxiety going through him. There was no way he could even face Carson for fear of what the Scot might say if he asked for sleeping pills.

His mind wandered back to the call earlier that day from Elizabeth, telling him to be ready for a mission off world tomorrow with his team. He had tried to get out of it, but she had insisted, making it a point of telling him that Colonel Sheppard had agreed. Even though he wasn't looking forward to it, he had to face Sheppard sometime, if he planned on staying here.

Leaving Atlantis forever wasn't something he wanted to do - this was his dream - it was all he had left. He would just have to live with the rejection and bear the scorn.

_Somehow, I will adapt, I always have in the past_ . . .

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TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you Hettie, Mercury's Winter, and Elisa for your kind comments. I'm so glad you Like this. Also Thanks to the three hundred other people for giving it a look see as well as the people who put this on their alert list. It makes it all worth while

AN: Someone said that Rodney and John seem out of character, if that's true then I apologize, but they also said it should be an AU, so whatever you guys wish it to be go for it!

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**Chapter Two** -** The Long and Lonely Nights**

Rodney had tried to sleep that night, but the thought of the next day's mission made him too restless, so once again he found his way into his lab. He tried working on a project, but soon lost interest and ended up closing his eyes just for what he thought would be a moment to rest them.

It felt like only a few minutes later when someone was shaking his arm and calling his name.

"Rodney, wake up!"

He opened his eyes and found himself leaning over his desk, head resting on his arms. Radek was staring at him with that look of quiet exasperation that he did so well.

Wiping his face with his hand, Rodney looked around him and was surprised to find that it was still night. He calmed himself for he had been afraid that it was morning already and he'd missed the mission briefing.

"Radek... ah, what time is it?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

Radek shook his head, "It's still early, 6:00am. You need to take shower and get dressed. Colonel Sheppard is not patient man. You do not want to anger him by being late. Trust me!"

Rodney had to smirk at that, even Radek must have been subjected to Sheppard's temper.

"Yes, yes, I know. He's just a joy first thing in the morning!"

Radek smirked, "Yes, he is and you need to eat breakfast. If you pass out I think he will leave you where you fall, step over you and march on."

Rodney smiled slightly, as bad as he maligned Radek, the man had his redeeming features and one of them was his loyalty to Rodney as head scientist. At least that's what he thought it was. It could also be that Radek didn't like military types, having worked under an authoritative regime at one time.

Radek adjusted his glasses and watched McKay get up off the stool. The way the chief scientist moved one would think he was a hundred years old.

Pushing his glasses back up his nose , Radek took a really good look at Rodney, noting that his eyes were sunken in and had dark shadows evident underneath them. The scientist also looked much thinner and very pale. Not a good sign for someone with so many medical problems.

"Rodney, you look terrible! What are you doing to yourself? Or are you letting others do this to you?"

McKay was startled by the sudden concern, his face flushed, "I'm just tired, but thank you for that observation, Dr. Kildare." He didn't put much bite into the remark, not wanting to hurt Radek's feelings for just showing concern.

Radek looked at him puzzled, "Who?"

"Forget it," Rodney told him, far too exhausted to explain the vintage TV reference. "I'd better go change and then get something to eat before I face our fearless leader."

Radek smiled slightly, It was good to see some of the old Rodney resurfacing ,even if it was his abrasive side. "Yes, yes, you must hurry. Not to keep Colonel Grumpy waiting, for that is not a good thing."

Rodney was suddenly unsteady on his feet and Radek grabbed his arm to support him.

Rodney looked at him, he was clearly puzzled by Radek's concern. After all, he had yelled at him and bullied him to get his way with the Arcturus project. The scientist had told him it wouldn't work, but had been ignored.

"Why are you helping me, Radek? I thought everyone hated me?"

Radek stared at him for a moment. McKay could be insufferable, arrogant and sometimes even act like a jerk, but he was still a human being and the head of the science department. Radek wasn't about to let the science team forget that for a moment. He knew who the trouble maker was and what he'd been saying about Rodney behind his back.

"You mustn't listen to Kavanaugh, he is a nasty piece of excrement, not worthy of anyone's notice!"

Rodney smiled slightly, grateful to have at least one champion on his science team.

"I need to get my backpack, laptop and powerbars."

Still holding onto Rodney's arm, Radek started to lead him towards the door.

"Listen to me. Go take shower, get dressed and come back here. I will put together your backpack for the trip. I know what you need to take."

Rodney couldn't let it pass, "Yes, Dr. Mum!"

Radek squinted angrily at him, "Don't even go there!" He then gently pushed Rodney out the door.

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John was seated in the mess at his team's usual table. Ronon joined him a few moments later with a food laden tray in hand, followed closely by Teyla.

Greetings were exchanged and they all started to eat. Ronon kept glancing around the room between mouthfuls and this caught John's attention.

"What is it?", he asked the Satedan.

Ronon looked at him, "Where's McKay?"

John shrugged, annoyed that the subject had even come up before he'd finished his breakfast. He'd hope for a little piece and quiet before having to put up with the arrogant scientist and his whining.

"I don't know, maybe he's not hungry," he said sarcastically.

Teyla stopped eating and stared at John with an unhappy look on her face.

"What?", Sheppard said to her, "I'm not his babysitter!"

She glared at him obviously not pleased by his response.

"Do you not worry about whether he is ill? I thought you were his friend?" She continued to glare at him waiting for an answer.

Ronon also waited to hear what Sheppard had to say to Teyla's question.

John sighed, _this was not going well. They hadn't even gone on the dam mission yet and already McKay had screwed it up and he wasn't even here. Now even his team mates were turning against him all because of McKay. _

_Right now he really hated McKay for causing all this._

"Look, guys, I know McKay is part of the team and you all seem to worry about him, but right now is not the time for me to explain the issues I have with him. Just drop it, OK? "

Ronon leaned forward staring at him, "When's the right time?"

Sheppard tried not to get angry, "Not now! I'll talk to you later after the mission."

Ronon sat back, looked at Teyla, then started eating again. Teyla got up , picked up her tray and left, too angry to reply to Sheppard.

"She's not happy with you," Ronon said as he continued eating, not even looking at Sheppard.

John shook his head annoyed, "She'll get over it."

Ronon looked up, "No, she won't...and neither will I."

John's eyebrows rose in surprise.

_Just great! Now Ronon is mad at me as well._ _This day just keeps getting better and better!_

Ronon smiled at him, then went back to eating, knowing for once he'd had the last word.

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Rodney took a long hot shower, too long in fact, since there wasn't enough time left to dress, pickup his backpack, eat and make it to the meeting by 8:00am. He needed it though, trying to get some of the aches and pains out of his body.

If he arrived late, the Colonel might chew him out good. He didn't want that.

In the end he chose to skip breakfast and took extra power bars to get him through the day.

When he put on his uniform it felt very loose; the pants practically hanging on him, he had to take the belt in three notches to hold them up. He'd always wanted to lose a few pounds, but this was absurd; if his pants were this loose the jacket would look ridiculous, so he choose to wear just his blue T shirt.

Once he had his 9mm fastened down on his thigh, he put on the utility vest/flak jacket that Sheppard made them all wear. It was also loose, but he didn't bother to adjust or zipper it up; there wasn't time to fuss with anything right now.

At the lab door, Radek was waiting with the backpack as promised; shaking his head when he saw Rodney hurrying down the hall toward him looking frazzled, his face red from the exertion of running.

_Rodney could be such an idiot. How could someone so smart do such dumb things? Sheppard would eat him alive if he were late for the briefing._

McKay was having trouble catching his breath when he finally stopped at the door and leaned against the wall.

Handing him the backpack, Radek tried to push him back into action. "Go, go...you must hurry, you do not want to be late!"

Rodney nodded, too winded to reply. He turned and started to hurry down the hall

"You're Welcome!" Radek shouted at him and McKay just waved his hand in goodbye.

It was enough though, for Rodney never said -Thanks. That didn't matter to Radek, for someone had to watch out for Rodney.

No one else seemed to care what happened to him lately...

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Just before he arrived at the meeting room, Rodney checked his watch and found that he had 5 minutes to spare. Enough time to catch his breath and wash his face with a paper towel at one of the water coolers they had placed in the hallway.

The cold water revived him and took away some of the heat from his face and neck. Taking deep breaths, he managed to slow his breathing. His heart was still pounding so hard it made his chest hurt, but he knew that was just nerves and also the running hadn't helped.

_I'm really out of shape. I need to walk more or I'm just going to drop dead one day. Then Carson would tell me I told you so. _

_The fact that Sheppard had said he could go on this mission might mean that he was trying to bring things back to normal and maybe, just maybe he had forgiven Rodney. It was only a possibility, but the scientist hoped it was true._

He was about to turn around and head toward the briefing room, when someone slipped their arm through his. Startled, he practically spun around. Teyla's sweet smile greeted him and he took a deep breath.

"You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Teyla saw the stricken look on his face and also how exhausted he looked.

"I'm sorry, I thought you heard me say ,'Good Morning'."

"No, I didn't. My ears are still ringing from running here... It's all right, I'll live," he added when he saw her concerned look.

She again smiled sweetly at him and still holding his arm, together they headed toward the briefing room.

Their entering the room together arm in arm wasn't lost on Sheppard, who was already there preparing for the mission brief, he was sitting casually on the corner of the desk in the front of the room.

Teyla didn't even look his way, instead she seated herself next to Rodney and ignored Sheppard. Rodney said nothing, but he could feel the chill between Teyla and Sheppard.

He wasn't sure that he wanted to know what was going on between the two; just glad that for once, he wasn't the target of the Colonel's anger. Sheppard completely ignored him.

Ronon showed up next and plopped himself in the chair next to McKay's, he actually smiled at Rodney."Hey, McKay, glad you're with us."

"Uh, Hi. Glad to be here," Rodney managed to sputter, for Ronon smiling like this gave him the creeps. Ronon never smiled.

John watched the two alien members of his team carefully, noting how each of them had gathered protectively around McKay.

It irked him, for he felt their loyalty was misplaced; the arrogant scientist didn't deserve this attention. He deliberately didn't look at McKay, he was too angry and didn't want to show how he felt.

It was then he realized how childish playing this game seemed. Just because he was angry at McKay didn't mean the others should be.

But then, McKay hadn't done anything to them... yet.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

On Any Given Day - The Watch Stander

Thanks to all who left reviews! Over 900 hits to this already! Wow!

I'll stop talking now, on with the story.

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Chapter Three - The Road To Redemption Is the Longest Road In The World

Elizabeth was waiting at the gate for Sheppard's team to arrive and get ready for the day's mission. She liked being here to see each team off, feeling that it was her job to wish them well and tell them to stay safe.

John came down the stairs first, followed by Ronon, then Teyla and McKay, who walked down side by side.

Elizabeth smiled when she saw Rodney with the team, it made everything seem normal again. The events of two weeks ago somehow put behind them. Teyla and Ronon seemed to accept Rodney, John however was unreadable as always. He seemed standoffish towards the others.

She noticed how tired the scientist looked, with dark circles under his eyes. He also looked ... thinner! His uniform baggy, as if it were a size too large. Rodney had always been on the chunky side, but now he looked almost too thin, causing his face to look gaunt with an unhealthy pallor added to his skin. It made her wonder if anyone else had noticed; then she decided it was probably a gradual change that hadn't caught anyone's attention. It was very noticeable to her, only because she hadn't seen Rodney in over a week.

_I wonder if John has noticed how ill Rodney looks, or cares for that matter?_

She decided not to say anything now, fearing that John would pull Rodney from this mission. It would be better to talk to Rodney afterwards and find out how he felt. The past two weeks had obviously been very stressful for him.

_In the meantime, I'll talk to Radek and see what he thinks as well._

Radek had been the one who had told her about Rodney's behavior in the first place. It was why she had spoken to John; she wanted an end to the self imposed exile that Rodney had bestowed upon himself.

Finally they were all gathered in front of the steps ready to leave. Elizabeth greeted all four with a nod.

They all smiled at her with the exception of Rodney, who seemed to find his feet fascinating. She decided to walk over and stand in front of him. His Tac-vest was unzipped, so she took the mother hen approach and started to zip it up. It was done more to give him a thumbs up and let him know that everything was all right between them, but also to get a better look at him.

"Rodney," she said as she carefully zipped the vest closed. "Are you ready for this mission?" hers eyes twinkled, trying to add a bit of teasing to put him at ease.

Elizabeth being this close startled Rodney and when she started to zip up his flak vest, it made him blush as he looked her in the eye.

"Of course," he managed in a soft voice; not knowing what to say to her.

"Good. We'll have lunch when you come back. I have some ideas I'd like to run by you." She tried a smile to convince him.

Rodney's eyebrows rose, "Really?" He couldn't believe he had heard her correctly. His eyes suddenly showed a spark of life in them, something that had been missing the last time see had seen him.

"Yes," she smirked at him reassuringly, trying to convey that she was no longer angry. In the past they had always had lunch together and exchanged ideas about the running of Atlantis; she missed that and wanted their friendship back as well.

Rodney took a deep breath of relief, Elizabeth was actually wanting to talk to him again. Maybe all wasn't lost after all. It gave him hope that - _just maybe, their friendship could be salvaged._

John watched this exchange impatiently, eager to leave and get on with the mission; already tired of McKay and how everyone was acting around him. Now even Elizabeth was babying him.

Elizabeth stepped back from Rodney and turned toward John. "You have a go then, and ...stay safe," she added as they started to walk to the now open portal.

Ronon and Teyla both smiled to themselves as they left, glad that Dr. Weir had also come around and seemed to no longer be angry at Rodney, each thinking that maybe now things would get back to normal.

John went through first ,followed by McKay, with Teyla on McKay's left and Ronon on his right; they seemed to be protecting the scientist.

This was not lost on Weir, who smiled as she watched them disappear; glad that once more John's team seemed complete.

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The planet had lush vegetation and woods surrounding the small plateau that held the stargate. It looked like many of the other worlds they had been on while searching for allies as well as ZPM's. Rodney looked around and immediately took his energy reader from his vest pocket.

John continued to ignore McKay and looked at the trail ahead, that lead away from the gate - presumably toward the settlement ,where the other team had come in contact with the local inhabitants. Theirs was a basic society ,living off the land with primitive weapons and dwellings.

"I think we'll head this way... McKay, you're in the middle, Teyla, cover our six and Ronon, you can be point." They all fell into place and headed down the trail.

As they walked, the temperature continued to rise as the planets two suns climbed higher into the sky; making the air hot and humid and very uncomfortable for McKay, who was already sweating ,even though he was only wearing a T-shirt and his vest.

He felt dizzy as droplets of sweat trickled down both sides of his face as his stomach suddenly growled, adding to his misery and making him wish that he'd made time for breakfast.

_This was going to be a very long day._

As the team continued down the trail, they were unaware that someone was observing them.

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At first they made good time, but as the morning wore on, Rodney was finding it harder and harder to keep up. Sweat continued to pour down his face from trying to keep pace with Sheppard and Ronon, who were getting further and further ahead. The air was stifling - he could hardly breathe. He was definitely out of shape - long hours in the lab and lack of sleep were catching up to him.

Teyla, noting his distress, had slowed her pace to walk beside him.

"Rodney, Are you all right?" she asked, concern evident in her tone.

Suddenly, Rodney stopped, leaned over and put his head down - resting his hands on his knees - trying to make the road and everything around him stop spinning.

"Colonel Sheppard!" Teyla called out, grabbing Rodney's arm to steady him when he suddenly swayed.

Hearing his name, Sheppard turned and seeing McKay bent over with Teyla holding his arm, went running back to them. Ronon followed.

Rodney was still trying to get his head to stop spinning, "I'm all right," he tried to tell Teyla, but it came out more as a whisper; his face red from the exertion and heat. Black spots were now flashing before his eyes - he knew he was close to passing out.

When Sheppard arrived and found McKay in distress, he didn't know whether to be angry or concerned. He was aware that the scientist wasn't the healthiest person on Atlantis, but also knew that McKay was a hypochondriac and would complain about everything.

"McKay, are you all right?" Sheppard asked, unsure what he was dealing with.

"Yes, yes!" Rodney gasped breathlessly, as he tried to straighten up; his face beet red as sweat continued to stream down his face. "Give me a minute, it's so... hot."

John also grabbed an arm when the scientist stumbled; afraid that the man was going to feint or fall over. McKay's knees finally gave way and he ended up sitting on the ground, with both Teyla and John still holding his arms.

Teyla instantly kneeled down beside him, "Rodney, what is it?"

He was gasping for air now and trying not to hyperventilate, as his three team mates looked on helplessly, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Just kinda dizzy, probably need a glucose tablet," his face was covered with sweat and he still felt like he was about to pass out.

When he began fumbling in his vest pocket for the pills, Teyla gently pushed his fingers aside and retrieved the packet, opening it and taking out a tablet, handing it to him.

McKay took it gratefully and placed it in his mouth. Teyla continued to watch him as he sat still, trying to get his symptoms under control; inside he knew that he was holding up the mission, all because he had forgotten to eat. She offered him a bottle of water.

"Thanks," he told her as he drank from it and she smiled back at him.

Finally he looked up at Sheppard, waiting for him to say something and for a moment Rodney thought he saw concern on Sheppard's face, but it was gone in a flash, replaced by annoyance. There was a time that Sheppard would be the one kneeling beside him, asking if he was all right, but not now, not after Doranda. Rodney let his head drop and stared at the ground; disappointed by that look from Sheppard and embarrassed at being this weak in front of everyone.

Sheppard hadn't known what was wrong with McKay at first and started to become concerned. That is, until he saw McKay take one of the glucose tablets, then it dawned on Sheppard that hypoglycemia was the problem and not something else.

_Probably forgot to eat!_

Now angry again, John looked away..._ always something with McKay! _

It was unfair, but he was angry that Rodney had been this careless. John tried to calm himself down, telling himself McKay was sick and shouldn't be made the target of his anger. He put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath, trying to get his temper under control, before he said something he might regret. Finally, he turned back to the scientist, who was still seated on the ground, his face now in his hands.

Teyla had seen John's annoyed look and the resulting deep hurt in Rodney's eyes in response. It was heartbreaking knowing that once these two men were such good friends.

She started fussing over McKay, trying to sooth him. Sheppard seeing this, wanted to pull her away and tell McKay to suck it up and stop being a baby. Instead, he offered another solution.

"McKay,... just how far is that energy signature in relation to us?"

Rodney at first didn't react, then slowly spoke without looking up. He knew Sheppard was angry and right now he didn't have the energy to face that anger.

"About a mile from here more or less," he didn't sound very enthused.

Sheppard took a good look at the exhausted man sitting on the ground before him and came to a quick decision.

"Ok, change of plans, we'll go to the energy signature first, then on to the village. This way McKay can take a look and rest for a short while; then we'll head out for the village. There's no need to even let them know why we're here, just came to say "Hi!"

Teyla looked up at Sheppard, surprised by the change of plans. "Is that wise, Colonel? What if someone sees us? It might make them suspicious."

John looked pleased with himself, "Well, we'll just have to be careful."

Ronon shook his head, but he could see no other option.

_McKay wasn't gonna make it another five miles to the village that was for sure_.

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Teyla helped Rodney to stand and together they now headed on a new path toward the source of the energy signature. Ronon and Sheppard followed behind watching for any sign of trouble. Normally they would alert the local people about their presence and explain what they were doing, but Sheppard planed on doing it in reverse because of McKay's condition.

_Yes, it's always a problem with McKay_! Sheppard thought angrily.

It really annoyed the hell out of him that the acerbic scientist hadn't eaten and caused all this...

Up ahead, Rodney had started to feel slightly more human as he headed toward the energy source holding the reader in his hand before him. The signal appeared to be getting stronger.

After half an hour, John started getting tired of walking - he was hot and angry - as the trail led thru the forrest and walking around trees was a pain - doing it at a snail's pace was even worse.

"McKay are you sure you're reading that right?" he snapped at the man.

"Yes... it should be just up over this ridge. Just give me a minute", Rodney adjusted the screen and continued to walk. He was bone tired, but the glucose tablet and water had helped, giving him some of his energy back.

Teyla put a hand on his arm to reassure him and smiled when he looked surprised.

They continued to walk, finally coming came up and over the ridge.

At the top, it opened up to a plateau and what seemed to be a large rock formation covered by bushes and vines. Running water could be heard in the distance which meant a river or stream was nearby.

Rodney walked over to the rock formation and found a cave like entrance hidden behind vines. He started to clear away the vines with his hand, but stepped aside when Ronon drew his sword and cut them for him.

"There's something here", Rodney said as continued inside, using his flashlight to light the way. His curiosity now stimulated.

Sheppard followed quickly behind, at full alert in case of trouble. Ronon automatically stood watch while Teyla followed Rodney and Sheppard.

A large door with symbols appeared before them, outlined by the light from Rodney's flashlight and John's P-90.

"Interesting... it seems we've found a door," Rodney quipped, happy at finding it so easily. His eyes seemed to sparkle in contrast to the dullness that had been there before.

Sheppard smirked as he lowered his P-90. Sometimes the scientist just got lucky and found what he was looking for right away.

"What are you waiting for, McKay? Open it!", he said impatiently.

"Yes,... just a second while I hook up my tablet."

It took a couple of minutes, but Rodney soon had the tablet attached to the insides of the control panel beside the door. Now under pressure, his hand shook as he typed on the keys, knowing Sheppard was impatiently waiting. The small computer beeped twice as it activated the opening sequence.

A loud screeching noise assaulted their ears as the door started to slowly move and open inward. The metal scraping along the stone made it sound like it was being ripped off it's hinges, but it finally opened fully then stopped.

"Presto!", Rodney said, as he waived a hand toward the door and smiled smugly.

Sheppard was about to smile as well, but stopped himself.

"Let's see what's inside, shall we?" He practically spit at the scientist.

"Ahh... right," Rodney, disappointed by Sheppard's response , turned away and quickly made his way inside using his flashlight to lead the way. He knew that things were never going to be the same between them, unless he played the game and that meant doing what he was told with no arguments. He'd even dropped the snark, knowing that Sheppard would not appreciate it and probably lash into him.

_Guess that's the way it'll have to be from now on.._. but it hurt just the same.

TBC

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	4. Chapter 4

On Any Given Day - The Watch Stander

**Chapter Four **- A Matter of Trust

Once Rodney had the lights on, they found themselves in a large room. The ceilings were low and the air smelt musty from disuse. After examining this room they made their way down a long hall that led to storage rooms full of ancient equipment and what looked like supplies. Most of the food supplies were no longer viable, but the ancient artifacts were still in relatively good condition, considering how long they had been in here.

Rodney felt himself getting more and more excited at each new ancient device he discovered in the storage rooms. He could easily spend weeks here and still not examine everything.

"This is amazing!" he cried happily as he re-entered the main room with another ancient artifact clasped in his hands, a large smile covered his face.

Teyla smiled at his exuberance and noticed the slight smile that tweaked at the corner of Sheppard's mouth as well. Rodney's enthusiasm was always infectious, no one was immune. Seeing him this happy just effected everyone around him.

In the main part of the room was a large counter-console where Rodney had started piling items of interest.

John leaned against the consol and watched as McKay went into each store room and returned with several items. After twenty five minutes of this activity, McKay's energy level started to falter. Sitting on the counter, he wiped his perspiring face, looking exhausted and seemed to be slowly fading once again. Pulling out a power bar and a water bottle, he proceeded to eat the former in less than two minutes.

While looking at McKay closely, Sheppard could see the lines of exhaustion written on the scientists face and the now black circles under his eyes. Sheppard knew they should take the scientist back to Atlantis, the man was not well, anyone could see that. However, the mission was still half finished, for they still had to go meet and greet the villagers.

He hated this, once again angry with McKay for forcing these decisions on him. In the end though he found a compromise.

"McKay, you stay here while the rest of us go and make contact with the villagers. Have something more to eat, like that MRE I know you have in there, and we'll come back and pick you up in about three hours. That should give you enough time to give this place a good going over and get whatever items you can carry. Later you and a scientist group can return and look for other things. How's that sound?"

Ronon chose that moment to enter the room and having overheard Sheppard, spoke up.

"I'll stay here with McKay."

Rodney looked at Ronon with a smile of thanks, but before he could say anything, John cut in.

"Sorry, big guy, you're going with us. "

"John, Is that wise?" Teyla asked, clearly upset that Rodney would be left here alone. Especially since he was unwell.

"I agree with Teyla", Ronon added. "McKay needs someone here to watch his back."

"Well, I disagree! No one knows this outpost is here and he'll be safe. Besides, we'll be back in a few hours, so there's no problem." His voice was placating. John wasn't in the mood for babying McKay after all the hassle the man had put them through today - he'd had enough.

_How I wish I'd brought Zelenka! Even Kavanaugh would be acceptable._

Somewhere inside though, a little voice told him that he shouldn't treat McKay this way, but he pushed it aside - far too annoyed with the scientist to listen.

Rodney looked lost as he turned away from his team mates' upset looks to focus on the closed mask that was now on Sheppard's face. The scientist could no longer read what was behind that mask, but knew it didn't bode well for him, so he didn't argue the point.

"Right... I'll just check out what energy source runs this place while you're all gone. I'm pretty sure no one had been in here in a very long time, 10,000 years might just be a good guess."

Sheppard looked satisfied that there would be no further arguments from McKay and headed toward the door.

Ronon looking angry, followed Sheppard, intent on having a word outside with him.

Teyla stayed behind and smiled sadly at Rodney, "Will you be all right here?" she asked softly. She was worried about how tired and unwell he looked and how John was being so harsh with him.

Rodney smiled, "Of course, no one knows about this place or the vines would have been already cut away. I'll be fine."

"All right, but keep your radio on so we can stay in touch with you."

"Right," He tried to appear calm, but underneath, he felt hurt that Sheppard would just leave him behind - as if he were of no value - or further use to him.

Teyla left as Rodney gave her a little goodbye wave.

He watched her leave and after a few moments of silence, the room seemed to close in on him. It suddenly felt cold and threatening. Something inside him made him want to run after them and beg to go with them, but his pride told him no and he didn't. He just couldn't be that weak in front of Sheppard; he'd rather be dead than feel that kind of humiliation.

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Ronon wasn't happy about leaving McKay and voiced this opinion to Sheppard as they headed toward the village.

"This is not a good idea, Sheppard. He shouldn't be left alone."

John was now getting angrier, "I'm not leaving a babysitter with McKay! He's a big boy and besides he has a radio if there's trouble."

"It's not enough!" Ronon was angry as well, "Are you punishing him for something he's done?"

John stopped walking, "What?"

"You heard me, you two are always at odds now, even I see that. You're not thinking straight!" The Satedan waited for an answer.

John turned away, not sure if what Ronon just said was true.

_Was he being unfair to McKay, allowing his personal feelings to cloud his decisions? _

"I'll explain the whole story when we get back to Atlantis. I told you that already, so give it a rest!" he started to walk away.

Ronon suddenly pushed past Sheppard and took point. He was really pissed at Sheppard's new attitude toward McKay as it was putting a strain on the whole team.

John let him go, but started to brood about how he was being made to look bad by the scientist.

_It isn't fair! After all, I wasn't the one that blew up a solar system and used my friends to get my way. _

He kept telling himself that he had a right to be angry and that he wasn't the one at fault here. Something wasn't right though and he knew it. His anger was way off scale and it seemed to be always close to the surface now, making him anxious and impatient. Every time he looked at McKay he seemed to feel it building up inside him. Shaking his head he took a deep breath, he would have to do some soul searching and see if maybe he could adjust it down a few notches, and not take it out on McKay.

Nothing further was said by anyone as they continued following a well worn dirt path into the village .

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The houses in the village were simple structures and the residents all smiled at John's team as they entered the main square. A man came out to greet them from one of the dwellings and made his way over to them.

John put on his best happy face, ready to make nice with the locals as Teyla came forward to greet the man as well.

While they talked, Ronon stayed off to the side watching for any threats or danger. He really wanted to get this over with so they could head back to Atlantis. Sheppard was not acting right and if he had issues with McKay, they should be resolved before they all went on another mission together. Leaving a sick McKay behind was just plain dangerous and stupid. He was worried about the acerbic little scientist and this made him anxious and testy. He had already decided that McKay was a valuable asset to them all and shouldn't be mistreated by anyone. However, sometimes the man even drove him crazy with his incessant whining and complaining, none of which had he had heard today. Something wasn't right -later when they got back to Atlantis he'd make it a point to find out what that was. For now though, all he could do was wait.

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Rodney was in ancient heaven, he kept finding more and more items that he wanted to take with him, but there was only so much room in his back pack. He emptied out the extra MRE's, powerbars and other foodstuffs that took up valuable room and also took out a flashlight and other equipment that he considered expendable and could be easily replaced. Besides, he could just leave it in a store room and when they returned with the other science team they could retrieve it.

There still wasn't enough room, therefore he was forced to separate items of interest according to which he considered must haves. It was a tough decision as everything was of interest to him, but he managed to make two piles and finally got it sorted into a primary one. Then he decided to wait and pack the bag just before he left, incase he found something more important.

Exhausted, he sat down and undid his tact vest to allow cool air to flow over his perspiration soaked T-Shirt. He was hot and sweaty again and knew he needed to eat, so he picked up a powerbar and started to unwrap it.

While sitting here alone, slowly eating the powerbar, the silence of the room started to give him the creeps. The silence of centuries seemed to surround him making him feel very vulnerable.

As he looked all around to be sure there was no one here, he wished that Ronon or Teyla had stayed with him.

_This is unnerving, being alone in here really sucks big time! _

Maybe this was Sheppard's way of showing him that he didn't give a crap about his safety and that he now was an unwanted member of the team.

_I've become useless to everyone, especially to Sheppard, _and that thought really hurt.

He took a deep breath to clear away his emotions, not wanting to start feeling sorry for himself; there were other more important matters to attend to.

Right now he needed to find out what powered this place. Finishing off the powerbar, he washed the remainder down with a drink of water and proceeded to hook up his tablet to the small console on the counter before him. The connection took immediately and information started to appear on its screen.

"Now that's more like it!" He said out loud to the walls.

Their answer was the faint echo of his own words. ..

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The leader of the village, Tiran, was all smiles and happiness.

_Too much happiness, _John thought, _It was creepy, _and made him uncomfortable.

Teyla smiled as she listened to the man saying that he would indeed like to trade with them and would welcome a mutual trade agreement. Teyla thought he was too willing and told Sheppard that, just after Tiran went into his dwelling to fetch samples of his village's crops.

"He does seem awfully anxious to be pleasant and just a little too eager, don't you think?" John asked Teyla as he continued to smile and nod at the curious villagers that walked past them.

"I agree, but they certainly don't seem threatening, as I have seen no weapons," She replied.

"Ronon, What do you think?" He asked the Satedan.

"No weapons, but a lot of whispers and stares. I don't like it, let's get McKay and leave."

Ronon could always be counted on to cut to the quick of any situation.

A short man that had been walking by, stopped in his tracks and looked at them closely. He suddenly turned and approached them, walking right up to Teyla.

"Teyla? Is that you?" he asked.

Suddenly Teyla smiled and said, "Nayall, yes it is I. What are you doing here?"

"I live here now since the wraith culled my planet two seasons ago. I heard your people were all culled as well?"

"Yes, that is true, but we had help from friends and some of my people survived."

Suddenly embarrassed by her rudeness, she quickly introduced Ronon and Sheppard.

"These are my friends, John Sheppard and Ronon Dex. We are here to trade and thought we might find some new food that would help make our table a little more inviting," she offered.

Nayall seemed to be thinking, then made a decision. He reached into a pouch he carried over his shoulder and pulled out what looked like an apple and handed one to John and Ronon. Before handing Teyla hers, he discreetly added a piece of paper that he had folded very small inside his pouch.

He looked at her intently, "Do not look at this now, but leave here quickly. There is danger on this planet. I must go or they will get suspicious. It's been nice seeing you again."

He slowly left, acting as if he had only stopped to greet them and give them a sample of the fruit. Teyla quickly hid the paper in her palm and placed both the apple and it inside a pocket on her pants.

John watched him walk away, "Well, that was interesting - I'm getting a bad feeling about all this."

"Yes, it was. We must wait a few minutes, then leave. I also have what you call a bad feeling," Teyla said as she continued to smile at everyone that walked by.

The village leader finally came out of his hut, a larger smile on his face than before and handed them a basket of samples.

"Thank you," Teyla said graciously,"We will take this back to our world and our leader can decide what we in turn will trade you." It was said very low key as if their leaving now was the normal thing to do. The leader looked disappointed, but none the lessbid them farewell

Ronon took their six, while Sheppard and Teyla headed out together.

"First opportunity, I want a look at what he gave you," John whispered to her.

"Yes, but not here, we need to get further away from the village."

"Okay."

As it turned out they were halfway back to the gate, before an opportunity arose for them to look at the paper with no one around, as the road seemed to have quite a few traveling on it to the village.

John slowly unfolded the paper and discovered it was two sheets. He was surprised when he found a picture of himself starring back at him, the second sheet was a picture of McKay.

Teyla looked at his picture, "It says underneath that you are wanted alive by the Genii and they will only pay for you in that condition, no other." She looked up at him,"We must leave quickly. They have probably alerted them to our presence."

"Ok, I better radio McKay and tell him to meet us at the gate."

"That would be wise," Teyla said, suddenly aware, of just how vulnerable they all were standing here on the open road.

Ronon, sighed beside them, "I knew something about this planet was off."

John looked at him," Yeah, well that makes two of us, big guy. Let's get outa Dodge!"

He clicked his radio, "McKay, you copy?"

A faint voice replied, "Yes, what is it?"

"We need to get out of here fast, seems the Genii have been passing out wanted posters with our mugs on them, so get whatever you have together fast and meet us at the gate."

"Crap! I hate those people! Won't they ever give it a rest?" McKay whined.

"Just get to the gate, now! Out," John said angrily, he had no patience for the whining scientist.

"Let's go!"...he said to the rest of his team.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

On Any Given Day - The Watch Stander

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Thanks to all for your reviews. You guys are great!

Atlantis begins tonight - Please watch it, so we have a season five!

**Chapter Five **- Unanticipated Consequences

Carson Beckett rested his head on his hand as he leaned on the desk and stared at his laptop computer screen. He was so tired, two months of work and he still was no closer to making the breakthrough, on what he hoped would be a retro virus, capable of reversing the changes of the Iratus bug and the Wraith enzyme.

Aiden Ford's half- human face stll haunted him at night as it did others - Colonel Sheppard included. Carson knew how desperate the soldier was to find the former young Marine. Aiden had been on the sun planet, where they went looking for him, but somehow they had lost Ford and ended up coming back with Ronon.

Two bullet holes and a minor wound on Rodney's leg, proved how unbalanced Aiden had become. Rodney told him that Ford had tried to kill him twice and if not for Ronon, would have finally succeeded the second time.

Carson didn't doubt the fact that Aiden had wanted to kill McKay, having been subjected to similar treatment by the unstable young man. The doctor hated the fact that he had given the Marine the Wraith enzyme.

Sighing heavily and rubbing his eyes, he decided it was time for a break, he desperately needed one, for his eyes were crossing.

Rodney it seems, had become reclusive in the last weeks following the debacle on Doranda and had walled himself away. It was time to go looking for his elusive friend.

_Maybe he could use a break as well_...

Carson headed for the labs, knowing that was the most likely place to find his friend. He had heard rumors about Rodney and Sheppard being on the outs, but he thought maybe that had blown over by now. The easiest thing to do was just ask him.

The man was a workaholic. The last few months had done that to him - so many bad things had happened - so many people had died. No wonder Rodney was wound up, working too hard and taking crazy chances in hopes of finding a solution to their Wraith problem.

"Aye, I think we're all a little crazy lately!", he said outloud as he headed out the door.

When he arrived at the labs he was filled in by Radek as to the scientist's whereabouts. It surprise him, but he was also relieved knowing that Colonel Sheppard was once more allowing him to be on his team.

Carson left the lab and decided to head for the cafeteria, stopping on the way to see if Dr. Weir would join him.

Elizabeth was both surprised and pleased to see Carson walking into her office.

"Carson! What a nice surprise," she greeted him with a smile.

"Why Thank you," he smiled back.

"Have a seat." She pointed to the chair in front of her desk. "What brings you here?" she asked once he had sat down.

"Actually I was originally looking for Rodney to go to lunch with me, but Radek said he had gone off world with his team. So, I thought you might like to join me."

Weir smiled with a look of regret, "I would love to, but I have a backlog of reports to write... including the ill fated trip back to Doranda and the resulting destruction."

Carson lost his smile. "How is Rodney handling all that? Radek mentioned he didn't think he was sleeping enough and not eating properly as well."

Elizabeth sighed, "He's right and that's why I sent Rodney off-world with his team. I thought getting out of the lab and back with his team might snap him out of his seclusion. Colonel Sheppard agreed to take him, so maybe they'll work things out as well."

"Aye, one can only hope," Carson smirked.

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Rodney was a mass of nerves as he started filling the backpack with the items he had piled up to take back with him. He tossed his other equipment haphazardly into one of the storage rooms. Most likely the Genii wouldn't find this outpost if the villagers didn't know about it, but he didn't leave anything of any value that they could use.

"Great, make a significant discovery and who shows up! Always something!, " he mumbled as he continued to pack.

His radio chirped again, Sheppard's voice asked, "McKay are you at the gate? We're about two miles away from it, so you can dial it up."

"No, I'm not! I need time to get my stuff together," Rodney replied as he shoved a few more items into the pack. He still had several more devices left and his tablet needed to be added as well.

"McKay, I'm coming to get you, so you better be on your way or else!"

"Yes, yes! I'm almost done."

The radio went silent and Rodney continued to pack the items inside, he didn't want Sheppard to arrive and find him still here as there'd be hell to pay.

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Sheppard was angry, but he didn't want the scientist to get so spooked that he lose his way to the gate, therefore he decided to go after him.

John turned to his two team members, "I'll get McKay and meet you at the gate."

"I'll go with you," Ronon offered.

"No, you go with Teyla. We should be there within 20 minutes or so. I'll radio ahead when we're on our way, so you can dial Atlantis and open the gate."

Teyla nodded and the three split up.

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John was almost at the ridge when he called McKay again, "You'd better be coming down this trail, McKay, or so help me..."

The scientist's voice came back, "Just getting ready to lea...What! Who are ...Crap!"

Rodney's terrified voice screaming... 'Sheppard!', against a background of gunfire, came clearly across the radio, followed by the sound of a 9mm emptying it's clip close by.

"McKay! What's happening?" John kept yelling into the radio desperately wanting an answer, telling him McKay was all right...but only silence answered him. The soldier in him took over as he started to run up the ridge, P-90 now in his hands.

"Ronon I need you up here now!" he called out on another channel as he ran.

"On my way," came the fast reply, without question.

"Teyla stay at the gate, we may need to leave in a hurry," John added.

"Understood, and John... Rodney's poster says dead or alive on it," she added.

_Crap!_ He tried to run faster.

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John found the first body of what looked like a villager near the entrance. He had been shot in the back by a large caliber weapon. Possibly caught in friendly fire as the entrance still smelt of something that reminded him of gunpowder.

Inside the lights were off,_ McKay must have shut them off to get an edge. _

John turned them back on at the entrance.

Another body, Genii uniform, blocked the doorway leading inside. This time there were several wounds both large and small caliber.

_McKay's Beretta may have done some of these..._

_In the dark, any target was your enemy, that's why they tell you not to shoot unless you know who you're aiming at._

He came across one more body in a far corner, where the man must have sought cover. Again, he wore a Genii uniform and was just as dead as the others.

Finally, he found McKay, sitting on the floor, leaning back against the front of the console that was in the center of the room. As John came closer he could see that McKay's eyes were closed. The shattered earpiece of his radio lay on the floor beside him.

After re-clipping the P90 onto his vest, John knelt before McKay and noticed a steady stream of blood trickling down the side of the man's face. The wound was over the ear where the radio earpiece had been.It looked superficial as the bullet seemed to have just grazed him. Checking for a pulse, he found one, but it was very fast.

Sheppard released his breath as a heavy weight lifted off his chest. McKay looked very pale, but that could be from the shock of the whole incident. John's heart was still racing just from having listened to the scientist desperately calling his name for help. He would have to be a cold hearted bastard not to feel anything for the terrified man, no matter how angry he was with him. He gently shook the scientist's shoulder.

"McKay?_"_

John was relieved when blue eyes flickered, then started to open, staring straight ahead as if trying to focus.

He almost smiled, so glad to see the scientist awake.

"McKay, you did great, that was some shooting... you took them all out!" He actually felt proud of the snarky little guy.

Rodney slowly turned his face and looked at Sheppard. He wasn't sure what had happened, it had gone down so fast. There wasn't time to think, but he did recall yelling for Sheppard as he turned down the lights and drew his gun. What happened after that was confusing and he only remembered the pain that followed the shots.

"I'm sorry, ...I should have left sooner...my fault," he managed to stutter in a breathless voice. It was hard to talk as his heart was still pounding from the high adrenaline level caused by the attack. He closed his eyes against the pain.

Seeing the state McKay was in, John found he was no longer angry, even knowing the man had been late in following his orders. If McKay had left earlier, the Genii might have ambushed him outside, where he would have been a sitting duck carrying all this equipment.

Sheppard squeezed McKay's arm, "It's not your fault, Rodney. Let's get you up and to the gate before any reinforcements arrive." He tried to sound reassuring, even though he was still shaken inside by what had happened to the scientist.

Rodney looked confused, Sheppard was using his first name, _maybe the soldier wasn't angry with him for what happened_. There was also concern and relief written all over the Colonel's face, _or was he imagining it?_

The scientist smiled slightly, wishing that he could ask, hoping that maybe the Colonel had forgiven him, but there just wasn't anything left in him - his emotions were drained, washed out along with the adrenaline surge from the gun battle he'd just been in - his hands started to shake.

John reached for Rodney's arm that still held the Beretta. It was resting up against the scientist's chest and the hand that held it was starting to tremble. Before John could catch it, the gun slowly slid from the scientist's numb fingers and fell onto the floor.

John picked it up and noticed one side was covered with blood.

"What the..."

Looking closely at McKay, he noticed a large patch of red spreading on Rodney's chest, just underneath the open vest flap where the gun had been...

"_Oh God... Rodney! Shit, shit ,Shit!" _

Blood was soaking Rodney's T-shirt. John quickly searched his own vest pocket frantically looking for a pressure bandage to stop the bleeding. Finding it he looked back at Rodney's pale face, seeing the lost look and the pain and sorrow in the man's eyes.

It made John feel like a crud...this was his fault for leaving Rodney here... alone.

"This is gonna hurt, Rodney, but I need to put pressure on it..."

John held the pad against the wound and pressed against it with his hand.

Rodney gasped, then mumbled, "Can't take this anymore, " his eyes began to water from the pain. The wound oozed blood, quickly soaking the bandage and Sheppard's hand. John hated hurting the injured man, but there was no other choice...

"What's that?" John asked, distracted by the wound that continued to bleed around the bandage he was holding over it.

Rodney coughed suddenly as blood appeared on his lower lip. "Can't play this game ...you win..." he mumbled as his head slowly lolled forward.

John quickly looked up and stared at Rodney as he realized what the man had just said.

"Rodney..."

There was no reply - the scientist didn't so much as twitch when John touched his face with his fingers.

Ronon suddenly walked up behind Sheppard, then crouched down beside him.

"McKay do all that shooting?" he asked softly as he stared at the injured scientist.

"Yeah, got them all..." John said sadly, feeling like shit as he allowed his hand to drop from Rodney's face.

"Wouldn't have had to... if I'd stayed..." Ronon said softly.

John flinched at the remark, but said nothing, knowing he deserved it. He continued applying pressure to the wound.

"Looks bad..."

Ronon had seen many wounds and knew this one would be fatal if not tended to right away. If they lost McKay all of them would feel the hurt, but none more than Sheppard. He could sense the Colonel was blaming himself for this.

John took a deep breath, his emotions were in turmoil right now and Ronon wasn't helping.

"Get rid of the bodies, then come back here to help me move him to the gate. Also radio Teyla and tell her we'll call as soon as we have Rodney ready to travel."

The Satedan quickly left without a word. John kept putting pressure on the chest wound, while behind him he could hear Ronon quickly call Teyla, then start dragging the bodies outside one by one.

As John looked at Rodney's pale face, he felt a sharp pain go through his own insides - making him feel like he was being carved up by a knife.

"What have I done?" he whispered, knowing full well that this could have been avoided if he hadn't let his anger control his decisions.

The scientist never moved, his stillness and silence a testament to how badly injured he was. John looked away for a moment, eyes watering, but still unwilling to let that emotion win.

Finally, the bleeding began to slow and John gently leaned Rodney forward against his shoulder, so that he could tie another pressure bandage over the first one. He made a tight knot on the bandage ties behind the injured man's back.

After finishing off the knot, John took a deep breath, then allowed his left hand to rest against Rodney's back holding him for a moment.

Closing his eyes, John tried to control the pain he felt inside and the emotions that went with it. Wishing the scientist could hear him, he whispered ,"I'm sorry, buddy, I didn't mean for this to happen. I'd never put you in harm's way on purpose..."

All the anger he felt earlier toward Rodney seemed to dissipate, as he sat there holding the scientist against his shoulder.

Rodney never stirred, so John gently leaned him back against the console and checked his pulse again. It was very erratic - he needed Carson.

John knew that his own pain inside wasn't going to go away anytime soon, he'd allowed this to happen and knowing that hurt.

Putting aside his emotions, he finished administering to the other wound on the scientist's head by putting a sticky patch over it. It could wait till later to be properly cleaned and patched.

He slowly got up and picked up Rodney's backpack from the counter, pulling it on over his own shoulders, It didn't feel right leaving it behind, the scientist would want the contents.

_Hell, they had cost Rodney dearly, he paid for these devices with his blood_.

John took a quick look around for anything else of importance. When Ronon came back into the room, Sheppard turned to him.

"Where'd you dump them?" John asked with no pity in his voice. They'd shot Rodney and that was unforgivable.

"I threw them in the river and erased my tracks and theirs." Ronon felt the same, as he seemed very cold about doing that deed as well.

"That's good thinking," John said as he bent down and checked the scientist's pulse again.

"How is he?"The Satedan asked softly, already knowing the answer from the way McKay looked. The scientist was pale and unmoving - he looked dead.

"Not good. I've stopped the bleeding - help me get him up and we can carry him between us." John wanted to leave. His only thought now was to get Rodney to Carson as fast as possible.

Ronon held up a hand, "No, that'll only hurt him. I'll carry him."

John looked surprised, but knew it was a better idea.

He helped to stand Rodney up, so that Ronon could carefully allow McKay's body to drape over his left shoulder and gently shift into place.

Ronon quickly left with his burden - Sheppard following close behind. While stopping to close the outpost door, John suddenly realized they had left it open all along and thus allowed the Genii to sneak up on the unsuspecting scientist.

_What was I thinking?_

But there was no time now for second guessing - he quickly pushed that thought away as he radioed Teyla.

"Teyla, Rodney's badly hurt, have a trauma team meet us in the gateroom. Tell Carson it's a gunshot wound to the chest - keep the gate open - we'll be there soon."

"Understood!"There was no further talking as the Athosian knew what was at stake.

John clicked off and ran to catch up with Ronon.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

An: I apologize for the sloppy editing of the previous chapter. I posted it late and was in such a hurry to watch ADRIFT, I didn't correct everything as I should.

Adrift was such a great episode. Rodney called Sheppard John and actually stood his ground, trying to save Elizabeth, letting his heart rule instead of his head.

Thanks again to all who have read this and special Thanks to those of you who have left reviews and added this and me to various favorites list. That is so nice!

This chapter is full of angst ( What isn't?)

Rodney's POV before Sheppard arrived. I felt the story really needed this addition, so I wrote it. Enjoy!

**On Any Given Day **- The Watch Stander

**Chapter 6 **- **Alone**

**Earlier . . . **

Rodney was quickly packing his backpack with the rest of the ancient items, when Sheppard called again, saying that he was on his way and telling him he had better be on his or else... Rodney was just about to finish a sentence when out of the corner of his eye, he saw a moving shadow. Just for a moment he thought it was Sheppard, but when he asked, who was there, the man that entered was shoved aside. Two men in Genii uniforms, holding guns pointed in his direction, took aim at him and fired.

Rodney dove for the light switch, calling out for Sheppard . He drew his own weapon as a bullet grazed the side of his head making him stumble. When he was about to fire the 9mm, another shot hit him. The impact made him feel like he'd been punched in the chest; his legs gave way immediately as more bullets whizzed by him. Sliding to the floor, he pulled the trigger of the Berreta repeatedly, spraying the room with bullets.

The 9mm's magazine was soon empty and he was now sitting on the floor with his back to the console. The shooting around him had stopped and it grew quiet once more. He listened for any signs of the Genii sneaking up on him, but realized there was nothing, no sounds whatsoever.

Excruciating pain followed that realization - hurting so much - that he had difficulty breathing.

He'd been hit and knew it was bad - all he wanted now was Sheppard here to help him . . .

_God! Where is he? Is he even coming? _

Reaching his hand slowly up to his ear, he found the radio missing - there was no way of knowing if the soldier was still coming, or worse . . .

_Had Sheppard and the others been shot as well by the Genii?_

All around him the dark room was quiet, no noise, just the musty smell from before as if nothing had happened, but even he could smell the scent of blood in the air . . . his own.

_Look who's alone now, it's just me..._

Moving was out of the question. He hurt too much and doubted he could even standup. Darkness was all around him with the only light coming from the open door. It barely registered in the darkened building, but he kept looking that way, still hoping for someone to come.

_Where was Sheppard? _

His hand was locked tight in a death grip around his pistol, so he held it against his chest wound, hoping to stop the flow of blood that he could feel running down his chest beneath his T-shirt.

_I need help . . . _

A throbbing pain suddenly shot through his head making him gasp and taking away his breath.

_There's no one coming . . . I'm gonna die here . . . alone. _

No longer able to keep his eyes open, he succumbed to the darkness that called to him . . .beckoning him with its soft arms of comfort and promise of safety...

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**Later...**

Carson was about to leave Dr. Weir's office when the gate activated. Elizabeth suddenly received a call on her radio, advising her that a transmission was coming through from a member of Sheppard's team.

Both he and Elizabeth went to the control room, arriving in time to hear Teyla's even voice come through clearly, but full of emotion.

"We need a medical team, Rodney has been badly hurt. Colonel Sheppard says it's a chest wound. He and Ronon are bringing Rodney and should be here in a few minutes. "

"Oh dear Lord . . . ," Carson said out loud, knowing a chest wound was not good. He quickly called the infirmary and ordered a med team to the gate.

Elizabeth visibly shaken, somehow remained in control, "Understood, Teyla. Carson's here, we'll keep the gate open for you."

She looked at Carson, worry now in her eyes . . .

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TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**On Any Given Day **- The Watch Stander

Just a short chapter, I need to take a little time on the rest. I don't want to hurry it just to get it finished, but rather take it a little slow and do a better job of making it a good story.

Thanks for all your wonderful comments!

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**Chapter 7 **- Out of the Fire

Carson stood anxiously waiting with his medical team, by the right side of the Stargate. Everyone around him was tense, expecting Sheppard and his team to come through the wormhole at any moment, bringing an injured Dr. McKay with them.

It was times like these that gave the Scot nightmares, never knowing what to expect. Would his patient still be alive or would he be too late to save them? In this case the patient happened to be a dear friend and one he couldn't bear to lose.

Elizabeth Weir stood beside him, not moving a muscle, waiting for what ever might happen next. She was staring straight ahead at the gate, lost in her own thoughts, but still in control. Her only sign of nervousness was when she cleared her throat, then asked Major Lorne, standing on the other side of the stargate, how much time had passed. His answer of twenty minutes came clearly across the room. Beside him was a squad of Marines, heavily armed and ready for trouble.

Carson knew Weir wanted to send Lorne through to help, but Teyla would have asked if she thought it necessary.

And so they waited...

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Ronon was fast, even with the scientist slung over his shoulder, he outran Sheppard, who was having difficulty keeping up.

"The gate should be ahead!" John managed to tell him, then switched to Teyla's radio freguency. "We're three minutes away, have the gate ready."

Teyla's crisp reply came back, "Already done."

"Good, see you soon, out." he clicked the radio off.

His senses were all messed up by the emotional turmoil he felt inside, but that didn't mean he would let his guard down. Looking around as they ran, he kept expecting people to jump out of nowhere and start shooting, but the only noise was from them running. Their feet pounded on the ground as they ran through the forrest, breaking twigs left and right as if they were prey fleeing an enemy.

In fact they were doing just that, but it was death they were trying to outrun and Rodney was the one they were trying to save from that enemy.

There was no way that death would win today, _Not if I can help it_, Sheppard promised.

The clearing with the stargate suddenly came into sight as Ronon and he broke through the edge of the forrest.

John still looked around as he ran, but remained behind Ronon, so as to cover both him and McKay.

By the stargate, Teyla was looking around as well, gun in hand. They were only a hundred feet away, when shots rang out. Teyla's P-90 opened up on a group of armed men who were running toward them, Genii!

"Crap!... Ronon don't stop... go through the gate!" he yelled out, no time for the radio, as he too fired his P-90 at the scattering Genii.

Ronon had turned and fired as well, then again continued to run for the stargate. His priority was to get McKay to Beckett, even though he would rather stay and help.

John ran backwards firing his gun in short bursts at the enemy, who seemed to be able to avoid being hit.

"God, I thought that only happened in movies!" he complained out loud.

Teyla was now using the stone side of the gate ring as protection, she too seemed to hit no one.

"Hell, this day just sucks!" John said as he turned and again ran behind Ronon, only turning every few steps to fire at the men who continued to evade their gunfire.

He had just turned back to run another few yards, when two shots pelted his back and vest, making him stumble. The bullets didn't go all the way through, but it made him realize why the Genii hadn't fallen either.

_They must be wearing some sort of protection!_

Unlike the other men that had gone to get McKay, these guys were heavily armed and armored.

"Well, we'll just see about that," he said as he turned around and aimed for the legs and feet of the Genii. The shots rang out and two of his persuers went down suddenly. The others that ran behind them, quickly dropped to the ground for protection.

"Got yah!" John smiled, as he continued crab stepping and firing his P-90, still protecting Ronon and McKay. They were almost to the Stargate when the other Genii chose to get up and charge.

John moved behind the DHD for cover as Ronon ran for the wormhole, "Shoot for their legs, Teyla!" John managed to yell, as he started firing repeatedly at the oncoming Genii.

Ronon quickly went through the wormhole. John continued firing his P-90 covering Teyla, who soon followed Ronon.

All the time he was firing, John had kept creeping backwards toward the wormhole.

The trigger on his P-90, finally clicked on empty. Turning, he jumped into the blue puddle, followed by a spray of bullets.

The Genii, it seemed ,were not happy to lose their prey.

TBC

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	8. Chapter 8

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and reviews. Hope this is worth the wait, as I still have a few more chapters to go.

John has a lot to think about and so does McKay . . . more angst to follow.

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**On Any Given Day **- The Watch Stander

**Chapter 8 **- Into Darkness

Ronon came running through the wormhole, carrying McKay, followed by Teyla. He immediately went over to the med team with his burden, where Carson's eager hands reached for Rodney to help place him on the Gurney. The other personnel helped as well, but Carson was right there holding his friend and gently laying him down on the bed. He quickly checked the bloody bandages and opted to leave them for now, checking Rodney's vitals instead.

_Dear Lord, what have they done to you_?, Carson asked himself.

"Get a cuff on him and I want blood set up for when we arrive!" he shouted out - trying to save a life - a very important life.

Once Ronon had turned over the scientist to the doctors, he stepped back feeling helpless, but knowing that McKay was now in good hands. He'd done all he could - it was up to Beckett to save the scientist now.

A shout came from behind him and Ronon turned in time to see Sheppard come through the ring in a flying leap and slide across the floor in front of the gate. The sound of bullets followed, pinging against the metal stairs, making everyone stay back, waiting until the shield went up and the sound of bullets hitting it had died out.

Lorne and Ronon both went to the colonel to see if he was all right.

"That was quite an entrance, Sir!" Lorne said with a smile, once he was sure his CO seemed ok.

"Yeah, well, I've had better, but it'll do." John tried to smile while still trying to catch his breath, as he looked up from the floor. Ronon offered him a hand up and Sheppard immediately noticed the worried look on his face.

"McKay?", John asked as he stood. He held his breath, trying to keep his insides from knotting, not wanting to hear that they'd failed and death had won after all.

"Carson's got him . . . ask him."

John let out his breath, _if Carson had him then there was hope_. He looked over to where the med team was and saw Elizabeth. She was standing beside the Gurney, holding onto Rodney's hand as she looked down at his still form.

John immediately walked over and Elizabeth looked at him, giving him a smile of relief. "Are you all right?" she asked and he nodded.

Teyla was suddenly beside him, squeezing his arm, as she smiled quietly up at him.

"That was very close, John."

"Yes, yes it was," he said, knowing how close they'd come to losing everyone on the team. If they had waited any longer, the Genii would have beat them to the gate and cut off their escape.

John was anxious to know how Rodney was, but the scientist was still being hooked up to various medical paraphernalia, so Carson and his team were too busy to ask.

"How's Rodney doing?" he finally asked Elizabeth.

She let go of Rodney's hand, then looked at Sheppard, her eyes saying what she couldn't. There was fear in them, but finally she spoke, "I don't know . . . "

"Let's go!" Carson's sudden shout was soon followed by the med team starting to run, taking the Gurney with them. It was done smoothly. Years of practice had made them an efficient team. They quickly disappeared down the hall heading for the infirmary.

John looked impatiently at Elizabeth as she let out a breath. "We'll talk about what happened later."

John nodded, "Good, I need to go . . . " he sounded anxious and upset.

As she looked again into his eyes, she could see the pain there, but something else as well . . . It was the same haunted look she'd seen in Rodney's eyes, only days before.

She suddenly realized what it was _,Guilt! _

John was feeling responsible for what had happened and she didn't know why . . .

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The waiting room was soon full, with all of Sheppard's team there as well as Lorne, Zelenka and Elizabeth. It had been two hours already and still there had been no news from the doctor or any of the medical people.

All they knew was that Carson had Rodney in surgery working on him, no one had told them anything more.

Teyla and Ronon sat beside John on his left, while Elizabeth was beside him on his right. No one was talking now - the chit chat had been over long ago - everyone worried as the minutes dragged on.

Earlier he had handed over his weapons and McKay's backpack to one of Lorne's men to watch. He didn't want anyone, other than Rodney, touching the ancient items it contained. The snarky little scientist had earned that right and had paid dearly for it.

It was hard to think of what would happen if Rodney didn't make it, _God that would suck!_

_I would miss him_, he finally admitted, _there is no one like McKay_, _and never will be . . . _

John's head ached and he leaned forward in his seat, holding his head between his hands for a moment to try and clear the cobwebs.

As they sat here, it seemed to him that the quiet around him was almost deafening. The silence and the worried atmosphere were beginning to get to him. In truth, he was ready to drop, his emotions draining him of what little energy reserves he had.

The minutes dragged on and finally Carson appeared, eyes bloodshot and baggy, his face drawn from exhaustion.

All eyes were on him, and the doctor was well aware of his audience and their expectations. No matter how arrogant Rodney McKay seemed, underneath all that, was a human being and a man who had saved their collective asses a number of times. The people here all wanted Rodney to make it, that he was sure of.

" He came through surgery ok, but not out of the woods yet." He smiled tiredly, glad to be able to give that bit of news at least.

Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief all at once.

John was on his feet instantly, "Can we see him?"

Carson stared at the man before him, who looked utterly beat, dirty, and very relieved to hear the news. In other words, the John Sheppard he had known before all the crap from the Doranda incident had hit the fan.

"Only for five minutes and only one of you. The rest can visit another day when he's stronger. We need access to him just incase of complications."

Carson could see the disappointed looks on the faces around him, but he knew they would be in the way if his people had any emergencies in the night ahead. Rodney could crash at any time and he didn't want anyone in the way of his staff.

John didn't wait for anyone else to ask to be the one to see Rodney, he quickly left to find the scientist . . .

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Elizabeth watched John leave, then the others around her said their goodnights and Thanks to Carson as they left. She waited till they were all gone before patting the seat next to her for Carson to sit down.

"Carson, have a seat, you look about to drop."

He slowly sat down, like a tired old man. "Aye, he gave us quite a scare in there twice." Carson ran his hand over his face trying to compose himself and get his emotions in check. In truth though, the memory was still fresh and it upset him just thinking about it. "I was afraid we'd lost him, but somehow the stubborn bugger managed to come back. It was hairy though. Took a few years off my life."

Elizabeth smiled, she knew how much Carson cared about his patients and the fact that this one was a close friend, made it even harder on him.

"Tell me about his condition."

Carson took a deep breath and leaned forward, "Well, first off, he still had the bullet in him, second he lost a lot of blood and third his blood sugar was very low. All of this was putting him close to going into shock. Another half hour and we would have lost him for sure. There was also internal bleeding and some other damage caused by the bullet."

He looked at her, "We were very, very lucky . . . Elizabeth, he almost died."

She just stared at him, "Yes, yes... we were, Carson. Thanks to you!" She finally managed to say.

It would have broken her heart as well as Carson's if Rodney had died. Somehow she was also sure that John would have been hurt as well. His whole attitude toward Rodney had changed from this morning. No longer did he seem so angry with the man, but rather more like the old John who used to hang around with McKay and get them both into trouble.

There was also something else, but for now, she was glad to have the real John back, not the angry man from the past two weeks.

She would still need to hear his report on what had happened, but for now it could wait. They all needed time to try and get back to normal . . .

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They had placed the scientist in a critical care room off to the side of the infirmary. It was a very small room and John could see why Carson was restricting access to the scientist.

The still figure on the bed was hooked up to more machines than John thought possible. It was hard to tell if McKay was even breathing, only the steady beat of the monitors assured John of that.

Careful not to interfere with any of the connections, he stepped up to the side of the bed. Bandages covered Rodney's chest and there was a blanket folded just over the edge of those. His complexion matched the whiteness of the bandages making the dark circles under his eyes even more pronounced. It was very hard seeing him this way and knowing how badly hurt he was.

John lightly grasped hold of McKay's arm, "Glad you made it, Buddy, we all are. Everyone outside sends their regards. Carson says you're holding your own, so you just better continue doing that."

The scientist never moved, so John finally let go of his arm. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Rodney this still. Even after being hit by a wraith beam, McKay's body had at least twitched as it slowly recovered from the paralysis.

Sheppard sighed as he could feel his own exhaustion slowly starting to take hold of him and knew it was time to get some rest before he too joined McKay here. If he passed out, Carson would insist he spend the night. Right now all he wanted was a hot shower and a good night's sleep. The latter was probably wishful thinking after all that had happened, but at least he could put his head down and hope for the best.

He took one more look at the scientist and then quietly left, praying that everything would go well and they wouldn't lose him during the night ahead. There were things that needed to be said...

Once more the fact that this was his fault, ate at him and he tried to bury it, but he knew that it wasn't going to go away . . .

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

On Any Given Day - The Watch Stander

Thanks to all for your reviews and comments and yes, I used a few of your ideas to help this along. As promised more Angst!

Ps Tried to post this yesterday, but website was quirky and wouldn't let me, Sorry!

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**Chapter 9**- Despair

Rodney was floating it seemed, drifting somewhere, where silence and darkness surrounded him. Slowly the darkness started to clear, as if it were a fog, then he was swept once again into the outpost where armed Genii surrounded him.

Standing in the doorway of the outpost, arms crossed and a smile on his face, was Sheppard,"I know you can do it... if you really want to try," was all he said as the Genii started firing.

Rodney called out to him, but Sheppard just stood there, still smiling as the scientist, now bleeding, slowly sank to the floor. Rodney tried pleading, " Help me...,,"but the smile remained on Sheppard's face and he never moved.

Feeling that Sheppard hated him and would let him die here alone, made him hurt so much, that he just wanted it to end.

Finally, Rodney sobbed, "I can't play this game anymore... you win."

Heartbroken and unable to accept that Sheppard would just stand there and watch him die, he allowed the blackness lay claim to him once more.

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Carson Beckett was beyond exhausted, as he tried to get comfortable, while sitting in a plastic chair by his patient's bed. If the room wasn't so small, he would have set up a cot that he could nap on.

"Bloody hell, how does anyone sit in these!" he griped nearing the end of his patience, as he once again shifted his body trying to get comfortable. It had been almost six hours since the surgery and Carson wanted to make sure Rodney was all right before he gave him anything more to make him sleep.

A moan from his patient had him instantly alert and on his feet.

"Rodney, can you hear me Lad?" Carson leaned over the bed, holding onto the scientist's hand, hoping for a response.

A tear slowly trickled down Rodney's cheek as he sobbed openly, as if something was hurting him.

Carson immediately placed a gentle hand on the side of Rodney's face, "What is it Rodney? Are you in pain? Tell me, Son, I want to help you."

Rodney's blue eyes blinked and seemed to have trouble focusing, as if he were coming back from someplace distant. He stifled another sob and finally managed to focus on Carson's worried face above him. He could feel the cool hand on the side of his face and knew he was with someone who cared about his well being.

"Carson?... Where am I?" he whispered, tears still tracking down his face, as waves of emotional pain from the dream were still running through him.

Beckett smiled and dropped his hand from the man's face, "You're in the infirmary in Atlantis, Rodney. You were shot while on a mission. Are you in pain ? Can I get you anything?"

Rodney digested that bit of information and wiped at his eyes, embarrassed by the tears on his face. "Water, my throat..."

"Aye, I have it here." Carson retrieved the glass of water from the night stand and placed a straw in it, then turned back to McKay.

Rodney needed Carson's support in order to lean forward to drink it. There were tight bandages across his chest, reminding him that he had indeed been hurt, it wasn't a dream. . .

After taking a long drink, Rodney looked at Carson with a heartbreaking expression on his face, "Am I gonna die?" he asked in a shaky and emotional voice.

Carson smiled affectionately at him, shaking his head as he replied softly, "Not if I can help it, you're not." He then helped his friend get comfortable against the pillows before adjusting the drip on the IV that allowed the sedative to flow.

Rodney gave him a slight smile, then his eyes closed sleepily as he leaned back into the pillows, feeling safe for the first time in a long while. He was asleep in a matter of minutes as the sedative did its job.

Carson gently tucked the blanket around the sleeping man, then sat down in the chair, knowing that he wasn't going anywhere tonight, for he had a friend to watch over and keep safe from harm. Somehow the Pegasus Galaxy wanted to claim Rodney's life and Carson was not about to let it get him without a fight.

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Sheppard tossed and turned for the first hour after he hit the sack, but finally allowed exhaustion from the days events to take over and he fell asleep. The dream that followed was about Doranda and he was once more trying to get Rodney to leave the experiment and get to safety with him.

No matter what he said the stubborn Scientist refused to listen. Finally John's military training took over, a voice inside him saying 'Cut your losses and leave, save yourself or you will die and your death will serve no purpose...'

It all rang true, he needed to leave. He hadn't survived Afghanistan and the Wraith to waste his life like this, all because some arrogant fool was about to commit suicide. Atlantis needed him, he didn't want to throw it all away because of one man.

He felt the anger forming inside and was just about to turn and leave for the jumper, when something stopped him...McKay, he had to get him out... 'Leave no man behind' had always been the code that he lived by. To betray it now would be saying he had nothing to live by. Rodney was part of his team and a friend. _I do not leave friends behind..._

But the voice inside again whispered, 'he won't come, he's a fool...leave' his survival instincts finally kicked in and this time John obeyed. As he turned to leave, Rodney looked up from his laptop and stared directly at him. There was a hurt look on the scientist's face, but he said nothing and John quickly left him behind.

He suddenly found himself in the jumper, flying through space debris, dodging the weapon's fire as best he could. A sudden bright flash behind him told him the planet was now gone...

And so was Rodney...

John sat up in bed, gasping for air, heart hammering in his chest. His hands shook as he covered his face with them, trying desperately to keep control and not let the emotional turmoil from his dream take over. For just a moment he felt his eyes start to water from the emotional impact the dream had on him. It cut through him like a knife as he remembered all that had really happened that day on Doranda and how it lead to yesterday's event at the outpost.

He continued to sit, holding his head in his hands...still remembering Rodney's hurt look from the dream. It was the very same look he wore after he had apologized and John had closed the transporter door on him.

The whole nightmare suddenly came crashing down on him as he sat there trying to make it all go away - wanting it to stop hurting.

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Elizabeth wasn't sure she had heard clearly what John Sheppard had just told her about the events from the last mission. Earlier he had called her asking for a meeting to debrief and explain to her what had happened. When he entered her office she could tell he hadn't slept well, there were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed subdued, not like his usual perky self.

She realized that now she had two of her top people to worry about, for Carson had called this morning and told her Rodney's condition had worsened. The scientist was running a high fever and Beckett was afraid he'd have to take him back into surgery. There was a possibility of infection and some internal bleeding, that he might have missed.

All of this had been going through her mind when John came in looking like he'd done three rounds in hell, and hearing what he'd just said, maybe he had.

"Am I to understand that you feel it was your fault the Genii shot Rodney?" She couldn't believe that was what he had said.

"Yes... I take full responsibility for what happened." He stated it without emotion.

"Why would you leave him there if you knew they would come for him? I can't believe you'd let him be injured on purpose, no matter what you told me the other day."

She just couldn't accept that John would hurt the scientist.

John leaned forward, his hands clasped before him as he looked down at the floor."Elizabeth, I would never deliberately hurt Rodney or put him in harms's way, you must know that, but I was angry and didn't think he'd be in any danger if we left him behind... I found a villager's body as well as the two dead Genii inside the outpost. He must have followed us there and then turned us in to the Genii for the reward."

He paused a moment then continued, " No matter what happened, it still comes down to the fact that it was my decision and mine alone to leave Rodney and he was hurt because of it. Therefore, it's my fault." His voice was barely a whisper.

Elizabeth could see that this was tearing at him, Colonel Sheppard didn't often show his feelings, but this time she could tell that he was very upset.

She too had to take some of the blame for allowing Rodney to go on the mission in the first place. Radek had told her how hard Rodney was taking the failure of not getting the weapon to work and that the scientist wasn't eating properly and was sleeping in his lab.

"I think we both failed with Rodney, we should have cared a little more about him and how he would handle the whole situation afterwards." her words were bitter, knowing she had failed her friend as well. The scientist depended on her and she felt she had let him down.

She got up from her chair and went to the window, looking out at the sea that surrounded Atlantis. As she crossed her arms, she suddenly felt very helpless and depressed. " I'm sorry I didn't step in earlier and say something to him. Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I had."

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**One day later...**

Teyla sat at the table in the cafeteria with Ronon, slowly eating her lunch of salad and fruit. Ronon had various items heaped on top of one another, burying each other, so that none of them were recognizable.

"Do you think Rodney and John will be friends again?" she asked him.

Ronon looked at her, he knew how upset Sheppard had been in the outpost trying to stop Rodney's wound from bleeding.

"Sheppard's sorry that McKay was hurt and thinks it's his fault. I'd say that admitting that might be a good thing."

Teyla wasn't sure, she had hoped they would have resolved their issues under different circumstances. Having Rodney badly hurt and unconscious in the infirmary was not what she had hoped for as a way to regain their friendship. John would definitely blame himself for Rodney being injured and she didn't know how Rodney would feel about what had happened.

She sighed, "I just hope Rodney gets better. I miss him and I know John would feel terrible if we were to lose him."

Ronon stared at her thoughtfully, remembering the hurt look on Sheppard's face in the outpost. It was the look of a man who'd just lost his best friend.

"Yeah, me too," was all he could say.

TBC

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	10. Chapter 10

On Any Given Day - The Watch Stander

Please watch Atlantis tonight, record if you want, but turn on another TV and watch it, otherwise it doesn't count. We need another season and another, so let's get the numbers up.

Thank you for all the reviews and alerts, it makes it all worth while knowing people are reading this.

Thanks to all for your support, I hope to finish in two more chapters.

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**Two days Later**

**Chapter 10 **- The Way to Redemption

Carson Beckett was once more sitting in the hated plastic chair beside Rodney's bed. The scientist was still sleeping, but was also running a high fever.

Carson hadn't reopened the wound, but he still needed to give McKay more antibiotics in order to fight the germs that were attacking his body. The scientist wasn't fighting off the infection very well and appeared to be losing the battle, leaving him weak and listless.

Rodney suddenly began tossing and mumbling, lost in fevered dreams of which there seemed to be no end.

Carson grabbed hold of his arm when the scientist started shaking his head back and forth calling out names. Beckett could have sworn he heard Lt. Ford's name mentioned, then Sheppard's, but he wasn't sure. The nightmares were getting worse and this was not helping his patient rest.

"Rodney, wake up lad, you're safe . . . "

Blue eyes flew open suddenly, trying to focus. Carson smiled, trying to calm him. "You're safe Rodney. There's no one here to hurt you."

"Carson . . . sorry, was dreaming . . . " Rodney said softly after realizing who was beside him.

"Aye, that you were . . . what was it about? I heard you mention Lt. Ford's name."

Rodney looked at Carson, then swallowed, not sure if he wanted to say, but then remembered telling the Doctor about Ford trying to kill him.

"I was dreaming about Ford, shooting at me. Sheppard finally came but chased after Ford . . . I was left behind." Rodney's voice dropped down to a whisper, hurt evident in his tone.

Carson was well aware of what happened, he had arrived on the scene in time to help Ronon get McKay down from the snare, while Colonel Sheppard had gone after Ford. There were two bullet holes in the rubber suit Rodney wore and a sizeable graze on one leg that had needed attention.

The Doctor sighed, he wasn't sure if Colonel Sheppard had been told what Ford had tried to do to Rodney. On the way back in the jumper, the Colonel seemed devastated that Ford had gotten away and hadn't said a word to anyone.

_Maybe it was time he was told . . . _

Rodney was hurting from having nightmares and from what Carson could see, Colonel Sheppard was blaming himself for a lot of things that had happened lately.

_It was way past time for a _talk. He got up to make a call.

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Sheppard made his way down the hall toward the infirmary. He had been planning on coming down and visiting McKay anyway, so Carson's call for him to come right away wasn't a problem.

He found Beckett in his office, staring at the wall, lost in thought, so John walked in.

"Carson?" he asked casually.

Beckett looked startled for a moment, then smiled. "Aye, just trying to go over Rodney's situation in my mind to be sure I haven't missed anything."

"How's he doing?"

"Not good, I'm afraid, his fever doesn't seem to want to budge." He looked carefully at Sheppard for any reaction to that news and was gratified to see the concern on the other man's face.

"Actually, it's why I asked you to come down here."

John looked surprised, "What can I do?"

Carson rubbed a hand tiredly over the back of his neck. "I need to tell you a few things about Rodney and hope that maybe after hearing them you might be able to help by talking to him."

John looked puzzled, "What things?"

''Well, first off, I know how badly you wanted to get Lt. Ford back from that planet we found Ronon on. Rodney wanted that as well and tried to talk Ford into coming back. He said Ford acted crazy, wanting to prove himself to you, so that he could return here redeemed. Ford also tried to shoot Rodney twice and the last time, if it weren't for Ronon, he'd have killed him."

John vaguely remembered the runner mentioning something about that, but he figured McKay must have told him and exaggerated. " I think McKay was over stating what happened. Ford wouldn't hurt him."

"You think not? Then why were there bullet holes in Rodney's rubber suit and a bullet wound on his leg?"

John was taken back by that news, "What?"

Carson was angry, sometimes what Rodney said was ignored and he was treated less than fair, "I hardly think Rodney did that to himself, or made up a story."

John shook his head, he had been upset that Ford had been snatched by the Wraith beam and blamed himself for not stopping the young Marine. He didn't know the extent of the Marine's addiction. Trying to kill McKay wasn't the sign of a sane individual.

"I didn't know that . . . Rodney never told me," John said softly.

Carson went on, "Rodney thinks he failed in getting Ford back as well, it's one reason why he tries so hard to find a way to defeat the Wraith. He hoped that finding a new weapon would help defeat the wraith, prevent more people from dying and maybe you'd be able to find Ford as well.

It's not always arrogance that drives Rodney, losing all those scientists almost destroyed him and Collins was the final straw. I think it might have broken him if he wasn't as strong a person."

John looked at him, aware of how close McKay and the Doctor were, but also knowing Carson wouldn't lie. He nodded in agreement as Carson continued.

"I think this is what has driven him to take chances and unnecessary risks, he needs to feel that he has done something to help avoid more people dying. He even risks himself. You know that."

"Yes, we couldn't do this without him," John said, knowing how they all counted on McKay to always come up with a plan to save them and for Rodney, failure was not an option.

Only now was John realizing the extent of the damage that Doranda had caused the scientist, it must have been devastating. Blinded by his own issues with the event, he hadn't stopped to think about how that failure made the scientist feel.

"You're a good person, Colonel, but so is Rodney, even though he sometimes acts like an ass. If you can't see beyond that part of him, then you're not the man I thought you were. Rodney risked his own life last month, to save Lt. Cadman. He didn't have to do that, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

What do you think Rodney would risk, if it meant getting a weapon that would defeat the Wraith?"

John sighed, not knowing what to say . . . but knowing the real question was

_What would I risk for that weapon?_

"Now, how about you tell me what happened on this mission?" Carson asked softly, needing to know in order to help Rodney.

John wiped his face with his hand, not sure if he could do this, but finally he gave in, _maybe it's time to clear my conscience._

So he told Carson everything . . .

After he finished talking, John looked down at his hands, waiting for Carson to say something.

Beckett sat back in his chair. He could see the haunted look in the Colonel's eyes and knew it was time . . . "Well, I think you and Rodney need to have a little talk. He should be waking up soon, for his last dosage of meds will be wearing off."

"If you think it'll help . . . "

"Aye, I do. If nothing else, maybe he'll stop having nightmares and start to get the rest he needs. Right now he needs his friends to help him or he's not going to make it."

Carson watched as that news made Sheppard suddenly stare at him in shock.

"He's not getting better, is he?" John said softly, already knowing the answer.

Carson shook his head, "No . . . he's not . . . "

John slowly got up from the chair and made his way over to the room where McKay was. Carson watched him go, hoping that Sheppard's talking to his friend would help.

TBC

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	11. Chapter 11

**On Any Given Day - The Watch Stander**

**Thanks to everyone who read this and also to others who left reviews and added it to various favorites list. You guys are all great!**

**A Fifth season!!! Thank you all for watching Atlantis, it made the difference.**

**Chapter 11 **- Forgiveness

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When Sheppard entered the room, McKay was lying with his face turned toward the chair, still asleep. One hand resting on the bandage over his wound as if to protect it. He looked pale as a ghost with dark circles still surrounding his eyes.

John slowly sat in the chair next to the bed, leaned back against the wall and waited for the scientist to wake up as his thoughts about what to say and how to say it, ran through his mind.

He also thought about how all of the things that had happened lately to the man lying here had been bad. After the seige from the Wraith, McKay had almost died on the way back from Earth on the Daedalus, then Ford tried to kill him as well.

_Now I've almost gotten him killed. __Everything is so screwed up..._

If they ever found Ford again, John would have to consider him a potential murderer. Aiden trying to kill McKay was not acceptable, the young Marine had better have a good explanation or else deadly force would have to be used against him.

While all of this went through his mind, he didn't notice Rodney twitch several times as a nightmare began to take hold of the scientist.

Lost in his dream, Rodney felt more afraid than he had ever known, for he was back in the weapon's outpost on Duranda. The weapon's gage before him kept rising and he couldn't make it stop. Looking up from the screen, he sought Sheppard to inform him that he was no longer able to stop the weapon's power spike and had failed to control it, but the soldier was gone.

_He was now alone . . . _with no more time left. The weapon's overload status went off the scale.

Knowing that there was nothing more he could do, he closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable explosion.

A huge light enveloped him - then his body jerked as he cried out -No!

His heart still pounded as the weapon room slowly dissolved around him, then a voice spoke to him, "Easy, Rodney, it's just a dream . . . "

He opened his eyes, someone was holding his arm and talking to him, so he tried to calm himself, realizing that it had just been another nightmare.

John placed his hand on Rodney's shoulder, gently holding him down, as the scientist got his emotions under control."Take it easy Rodney, it was just a dream, you're safe." He rubbed the scientist's shoulder, trying to be reassuring.

Rodney swallowed, took a deep breath, then slowly turned his face to see who was here beside him. Finding Sheppard there, he tried to smile at him, so glad that a familiar face was here with him and he wasn't dead.

"Sheppard, "he managed to croak, wiping his face with his hand as he tried to grasp all that had happened, but as reality slowly came back, his smile faded.

_Why was Sheppard here? _

"What are you doing here?" it sounded pitiful, but he had to know.

John looked at him, trying to decide what to say. Carson would kill him if he said the wrong thing and upset Rodney. An angry Scot was not something Sheppard wanted to deal with right now.

"I think we need to talk," was all he said.

Rodney looked confused, then realized what it meant. "Oh," he replied softly, thinking he was in for a lecture.

Sheppard tried to smile, but instead settled for taking a deep breath. Not good with expressing feelings, he was even worse with apologies. This was not going to be easy by any means, but there were things that had to be said to make things right.

"What happened to you in the outpost was my fault and I'm sorry, Rodney, I didn't mean for you to get hurt. If I'd know there were Genii on the planet, we would have left immediately."

Rodney's eyes widened in surprise, Sheppard had never said he was sorry to him before. Usually it was him apologizing to Sheppard for something he'd said or done or caused. He remained silent, not knowing what to say

John quickly went on, hoping to get it all out before he lost his nerve. "I also owe you an apology for being angry and unfair in the way I've treated you lately. Something happened at the weapon facility on Duranda that shook me up inside." He looked down at the floor trying to gather his thoughts, it was so hard for him to admit this to himself, never mind telling other people.

The silence from Rodney was unnerving, so John finally looked up and stared at him, "Look, when you wouldn't listen to me and leave . . . I almost left you there. Something stopped me and I gave you my speech about pilots . . . but I don't know if I would have still left if you hadn't decided to leave with me. It was a close call . . . I hate to think I would leave a friend behind, just to save my own skin."

John then turned away, avoiding McKay's astonished look. Staring straight ahead, he continued, "Would I have gone? I don't know . . . when you did come with me, I managed to bury it, but inside I was still angry with myself."

He paused for a moment. "I meant it when I said we don't leave people behind, it's something I've always believed, but when it came to crunch time at Duranda, I almost broke that rule and left you there."

He looked at Rodney with a haunted look in his eyes," What kind of a person leaves a friend behind to die? That's a question that's been bothering me ever since it happened. Every time I saw you after that, reminded me of the fact, that I almost left and failed both you and myself. That's why I was so angry, it wasn't you I was angry with . . . but me . . . with what I almost did . . . "

Rodney continued to stare at him, not knowing what to say to the man. Never good with emotions or comfort, he honestly didn't know how to react to Sheppard's confession or what the soldier expected from him. .

However, the one thing he was very familiar with was failure, he'd felt it enough times in the past two years. He knew what it was to fail people and watch them die, it hurt and he always felt it was his fault no matter what people said to him after.

_Yes, I know failure very well, we're old enemies and we battle each other on a frequent basis. _

Rodney's looked down at his hands as he quietly replied, "Sheppard, it's not your fault that you wanted to leave, self-preservation is always the number one priority of any species. Everyone feels that way when threatened. It's part of us."

He stopped for a moment then looked at Sheppard with a vulnerable look on his face, "What's remarkable about you, is the fact that you stayed and finally made me leave. It's who you really are, a soldier maybe, but a decent person, who takes risks to help others. I know that . . . It's why I left with you. I... knew you'd stay till the end and I couldn't let that happen. I... didn't want another person to die because of me."

Sheppard could see the honest emotion that was written all over Rodney's face. He Knew the man wasn't just saying things to make him feel better, but meant every word, for this was the real McKay, not the arrogant ass persona he tried to hide behind.

Suddenly embarrassed by Sheppard's close scrutiny, Rodney looked away. His eyes began to water as his emotions came close to the surface, "I 've messed up . . . so many people have died around me, when I couldn't protect them by finding a way to defeat the Wraith. I failed with the weapon and destroyed any chance we had of ever using it and now everyone hates me . . . I've even lost your respect and trust," he sounded defeated and heartbroken.

Listening to this confession made John feel terrible, the man before him had been coming apart these past two weeks and all he had done to help, was get angry and almost get the man killed.

"Rodney, that's not true, I don't hate you . . . " He tried to smile, but sighed instead. "We both made mistakes . . . I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that I put you in harm's way."

His voice suddenly seemed rough, but he went on with sincerity clearly in it, "Please believe me when I say, I would never let anything happen to you if I could help it."

When he looked at Rodney, he saw surprise then hope appear on his face.

"Really?" Rodney replied quickly, then embarrassed, he tried to change the question. "I mean . . . you don't hate me?"

John started to grin, knowing full well what Rodney had meant. The snarky little guy probably never had a friend or anyone who gave two cents about his welfare before he came to Atlantis. He probably wasn't even aware of how many people worried about him and there were a lot of people that cared, his team, Elizabeth, Radek, Lorne and many others. With McKay you either liked him or ignored him. There was no in between.

"No, I don't hate you," he said seriously, then added, "But . . . you drive me crazy sometimes . . . "

Rodney tried to look indignant," What? ... I do not!"

John slowly smiled and squeezed his arm, "Just try and stay sane for me, we'll get through this . . . "

The scientist appeared thoughtful for a moment and then with a hurt puppy look, he sadly asked, "Will you ever trust me again?"

That look always got to John, he found it heartbreaking, so he nodded and replied softly, "Yeah . . . I will . . . it'll just take a little while to get over everything that's happened." He watched Rodney carefully for his reaction, wanting him to believe that they would get through this.

Sharp stabbing pains in his chest made Rodney's eyes begin to water, his wound was hurting again as the medication wore off. Taking a breath, he tried to regain control for he needed to say a few more things to Sheppard.

"I accept your apology for what happened on the planet, but I also want you to know that I'm sorry things got so out of control on Doranda."

Now out of breath, his voice full of emotion and pain, he was barely able to whisper, "Please believe me when I say . . . that I'll never use your friendship to get what I want again."

John smiled at him, "I know that, but if you need me . . . " he took hold of McKay's arm again, "Don't ever be afraid to ask . . . "

Rodney swallowed, as his face paled and he grimaced in pain. Perspiration appeared on his brow - his wound was throbbing and his chest felt like it was on fire, "I think I need Carson," he gasped.

"I'll get him," John immediately got up, "Just don't go anywhere . . . " he tried to say teasingly as he left.

"Right, as if I could even move . . . " Rodney painfully snarked back as he sank deeper into the pillows. A wave of pain rolled through him and he closed his eyes.

Carson quickly returned with Sheppard and sat on the bed to check Rodney's vitals. "How are you feeling, Rodney?" he asked softly, as he observed the pain lines and perspiration on the scientist's face.

"Not so good, feels like a nail's being driven into my chest." Rodney managed to whisper, the pain taking his breath away.

"Aye, your pain meds are wearing off. You and the Colonel have a talk?"

"Yes, please Carson, it hurts . . . " Rodney whimpered.

Carson wasn't being deliberately cruel, but he did need to know if Rodney's level of pain was genuine or if he was using it to avoid Sheppard.

"All right then, I'll give you something for it . . . " He got up and injected a needle into the IV drip. It only took a moment for Rodney's look of pain to disappear as the painkiller went through his veins.

"Better now?" he asked his patient.

"Yes, Thanks, Carson," Rodney looked up at his friend gratefully, his blue eyes expressing how much he appreciated the Doctor's help.

Carson smiled and patted Rodney's hand affectionately."You want to stay awake and talk some more with Colonel Sheppard, or do you want to sleep?"

Rodney could see Sheppard standing in the shadows, waiting, "I'll stay awake if it's all right."

"Of course, but only for fifteen more minutes, then you need to rest." Carson turned and looked at Sheppard to be sure he understood.

John stepped out of the shadows and smiled at Carson. "We'll only be a few more minutes. I know he needs his beauty rest."

"Aye, that he does and so do you. I'll be back in a few minutes to tuck him in."

After Carson left, Sheppard sat on the edge of the bed in front of Rodney, so he could see him better, "So, you think we can get past this and be a team again?" He looked directly at Rodney, the loaded question seeming to hang in the air between them.

Rodney suddenly felt very tired, his emotions had been on a roller coaster ride for the past hour, but it was a good feeling as well. Not like the way he had been feeling for the past two weeks. Now his heart was no longer aching and there was a feeling of warmth and well-being inside him, knowing there were people who actually cared about him.

_Sheppard doesn't hate me . . . he apologized for his behavior . . . _

He looked at Sheppard sitting before him and smiled shyly, "I think so . . . "

John grinned and nodded, it seems they were going to get through this together after all.

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The End

An: This ending was tough to write! Did it over three times, hope everyone enjoyed it. I think I need to write something humorous after this. Hmmm, what will it be...got just the thing...off to write it!


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